The Man Whom God Correcteth (Job 5:17)

I have not blogged here for a while, and it has certainly NOT been from lack of things to write. In fact, I have so much I wish I could write about that I think I'll have to write a number of posts over the Christmas break while I have more time than usual. Admittedly, it has been a lack of time that has been the major cause for my lack of writing. Let me just first begin with a quick list of some very major relevant updates in my life and the SSA world generally from the last 2.5 months:

• The Church launched a new official web-page specifically devoted to same-sex attraction issues. It is fantastic. Take a look if you haven't seen it already: http://www.mormonsandgays.org/
• (Gay) Mormon Guy, the blog which I've mentioned numerous times here and which had a profound impact on my, unveiled himself from anonymity in a beautiful post last month. His real name is David Peterson and here is the post: http://gaymormonguy.blogspot.com/2012/11/david-im-the-author-of-gay-mormon-guy.html
• This blog reached its year-mark! It was Thanksgiving weekend of last year when I began this blog and a very interesting journey of self-discovery that I've reflected on a lot over the last few weeks especially.
• Last, but certainly not least (and this is hands down the #1 reason I haven't had as much time to blog)... since mid-October I've had a girlfriend. A few weeks ago we even talked about my SSA and it hasn't been an issue at all in the relationship. That subject of course will have to be an entire post of its own, which I promise to write at some point during the next week or two. But I feel like I need to get some other thoughts out in this post before I can write that one.

For now, I'd like to focus especially on the third bullet above: reflecting on the last year of my life and my journey confronting my SSA rather than ignoring it or pretending it isn't there. This blog records a good portion of my reflections upon that journey (with the obvious exception of some chronological holes when I didn't write as much--especially during the summer). I'm amazed at the evolution of my thoughts about myself and my relationship with my own SSA. I have to admit that while many of my early posts are extremely valid emotional outpourings that adequately described my state at the time, they do not all necessarily represent how I feel now. Some of them are very simple in areas that I now see with greater complexity, while others which I once saw quite complexly now seem so very simple.

One thing is sure: I am more stable and sure now than I was a year ago regarding my SSA. Some of that has been incredibly painful. For example, my post from October discusses some of my feelings from those summer months when I didn't blog for a while. It really doesn't tell the whole story in terms of the actual events which triggered those feelings, and I don't know if I'll ever record those here, but I learned incredible lessons from those things. I was made to confront some major weaknesses and make a couple sacrifices in order to grow. But guess what? The happiness I've attained in the recent months as I've been a better person makes that pain totally worth it. Below is a verse from our wise friend Job that adequately sums up these sentiments. From chapter 5, verse 17:

"Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore, despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty."

The last few days I've been pondering a few additional weaknesses and have had my eyes opened to very clear ways the Lord is offering to help me to overcome them. I can already clearly see some pain and sacrifice that are required, but looking back in amazement at how far I've come over the last year, I feel already a sense of happiness to begin the process of working on them.

The great thing about being corrected is that by definition it makes us more correct, and why would we not want to be correct? The great thing about being corrected by the LORD, is that the alternative is to be corrected, or more likely mis-corrected by others or, perhaps most terrifyingly, ourselves! From experience, that tends to end in disaster.

May I end this post of reflection on the last year by giving a special thank you to a follower of this blog? Her name is Emily. She found my blog through one of my Obadiah tweets on Twitter back in early December of last year and to my knowledge was the first human other than myself to ever read it. She was certainly the first to ever respond or send feedback, which I desperately needed at the time. I had written a handful of posts at that point believing they were being sent into darkness, heard by nobody and it made me feel awfully lonely and insecure. She was the first other human to ever chat with me about my SSA and give me encouragement, even though I'd never met her in person (and still haven't). She regularly comments and send feedback on my posts and I don't think she's ever known how much of a help she was just by reaching out compassionately to a poor confused gay kid she came across on the internet. Likewise many more supporters have followed since then with emails, tweets, FB messages, blog comments, etc. of non-stop support and love. Thank you all so very much.

My best,

Obadiah

Love thy neighbor (Matthew 22:35-39)

Okay, it's about time I write a post on a really important subject: the conundrum of bullying and judging. As a member of the LDS Church, I am well-acquainted with being the recipient of hate and persecution. As a man who is physically attracted to other men, I am also keenly aware of further judgment and bullying. In fact, being both puts me in an interesting position to be hated from pretty much all directions! :)

Great sadnesses of my life: when those of other faiths bitterly degrade and attack my own; when members of my faith treat others negatively because their lifestyle or even merely their attractions are not the same as their own; when people of any age or background bully or humiliate an openly gay person in their community or school. Whenever I read stories of another gay teen suicide my heart absolutely breaks. Honestly, I'm an optimistic enough person to believe that the majority of you reading this post are equally saddened by basically everything in his paragraph so far. Now here's another sadness of my life: when the persecuted throw judgment and hate at those who persecute them.

It's easy to not be so saddened by hate flung back by the persecuted because it's easy to see their rage as basically "justified." And maybe to a degree it is. Nonetheless, we can't be satisfied with ANY forms of hate. The great irony of the man who cries, "They're all just judging me all the time!" is that he is in fact judging everyone else in return. Very likely, they weren't ALL judging him, and certainly not ALL the time, but when we are the recipients of hate, it becomes easy to hold onto the hate thrown at us and use it as our defense. I recommend a more Christian alternative: "Love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matt. 22:39).

Loving those who throw verbal (or literal) stones at us is not easy, but it is essential. I've always thought the metaphor of "fighting fire with fire" rather ridiculous. Do firemen save a building by spreading more fire? No, of course not! They stop fires with water or flame-retardant chemicals. Adding more fire just complicates the problem. Likewise, fighting hate with hate simply doesn't work and just burns all the parties more in the end. We must use the cooling waters of love to respond to those who hate us. Once again, it isn't easy amidst the heat of an attack against your faith, your life, your emotions, etc. to respond to the perceived monsters tormenting us with love--but if we don't, we each become just as much a monster. As a friend of mine recently shared, "If you can't get along with someone, one of you isn't going to the Celestial Kingdom." Yes, it's hard! The right choice usually is the harder one, and it always takes great courage to rush into a burning building with the hose, regardless of how thick your fire suit is (but remember from an earlier post that "God hath not given us the spirit of fear...").

So how do we learn to respond with love? I believe it begins with understanding, just as most hate is born out of ignorance. I've already said once in this post that I'm generally optimistic about people. I have a hard time believing that there are very many completely evil people in the world. When someone is mocking you it can be harder to see the good in them, but I promise you it's there, and our lack of seeing it just underscores our own ignorance that provokes us to react with the same hate. If they say hurtful things about you because you are attracted to those of the same sex, I'm willing to bet they don't understand you at all. If you respond by saying they are a brainwashed, maniacal, fascist, racist, idiot, well... you probably don't understand them very well either! Be the bigger person by instead just keeping your smile on your face, love in your heart, and following Thumper's advice that "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say nuttin' at all [even though they said mean things about you]!" Turning the other cheek has become so rare in our society that when you do so, it is surprisingly disarming to your opponent. They are expecting you to fight back, and when you don't, it truly can cause them to rethink what they're doing and drive them to greater understanding and thus less ignorance and hate.

I love the passage I quoted above from Christ, speaking of the Great Commandments to love God and the love our neighbor as ourselves. In context of the story, we see the Master truly living this principle. As told in Matthew 22:35-39:

"Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself"

Throughout the whole chapter, the scribes, Pharisees, and Saducees had been trying to provoke Christ and bully him. They threw difficult questions at Him to try to discredit Him, usually interlaced with direct verbal affronts to His character. Yet, he doesn't respond to any of the questions in the chapter with the same biting contempt with which they ask. Instead, as this last question so clearly demonstrates, the answer he gives is LOVE.

To all my friends reading this post, whether you be Mormon, Muslim, straight, gay, atheist, male, female, black, white, tall, short, persecutor, persecuted, informed, ignorant, or anything else: We've all experienced hate born out of misunderstanding. We cannot fight ignorance with hate, nor hate with ignorance--for they are inseparable bed-fellow vices. We must respond instead with understanding and love. It worked for Christ; as verse 46 of the same chapter details, that as a result of his even-tempered and loving response, "no man did from that day forth ask him any more questions." Respond with love and the armies of hate will eventually give up. In the mean time, keep moving forward and don't listen to the mean things others say. No matter what others say about you, I love you and will always be your friend and someone you can talk to (email me at anothergaymormon@gmail.com). Hang in there! As a series of popular ads you are likely familiar with says, truly "It gets better."

Well, this may have been my first post on this subject specifically, but I can guarantee it won't be my last. Meanwhile, do you see any hate or ignorance around you that you'd like to combat? Feel free to pass this post along to others to help encourage understanding and love. Or better yet, add your own voice to the conversation! Be willing to stand up for love and help share this higher philosophy with the world.

My best,

Obadiah