This post is going to try to put into words some muddled thoughts on a difficult subject. I got some interesting emails after last week's post on male modesty. Most troubling were some of the bitter accusations I got about being judgmental. Anyone who had also read my earlier post on modesty from February would realize that my intent has never been to "judge" or condemn anyone. But I feel like we are starting to live in a world where to stand for any value or standard has begun to be interpreted automatically as "judging" anyone who doesn't agree with that standard. Just because I don't drink coffee is no reason to assume that I am constantly shaking my finger at anyone I see who does drink coffee. In fact, I don't even drink soda! That is a personal choice on my part, but I've never seen someone drinking a soda and think, "boy, they sure aren't as good of a person as they could be if they'd stop drinking soda." Likewise, my choice to not run shirtless should not be interpreted to mean that I think I'm a generally better person than those who do or that they are evil.
2 weeks ago Elder Holland gave a CES fireside address which discussed, among other things, the difficult subject of JUDGING. It is a fantastic talk, and if you didn't see it, you can by clicking here. This post will manage to address, however feebly, my own thoughts on this difficult subject.
It seems to me that one of the large problems that arises with this subject is a fundamental ambiguity regarding the use of the term "judging." What do we mean when we say that we feel others are judging us? The most primitive Hebrew and Greek root forms of the words translated "judge" in the Bible basically mean to discern. In other words, if I see you do something and cognitively process that you have done that thing, I have just made a judgment. This is automatic and often a necessary part of interaction which is essential to our understanding of the world and cannot/should not be avoided. I don't think this is what is meant when someone feels they are "being judged" by someone. In fact, I've been thinking all week about what we DO mean when say that. It is harder to define than we may immediately think given how often we throw the term around. The best I can conclude is that the person who feels like they are being "judged" feels like they have been assessed some form of disapproval from the other person. This may or may not be true, but it is certainly what the allegedly "judged" person perceives to be the truth. Ironically, as a result, the "judged" person often does in fact return an actual disapproving assessment of the supposed judger. In other words, when most people complain that others are judging them, they are in fact judging those other people. (I know that was complicated. Hopefully it made sense.)
Here are some additional questions I've pondered this week on the subject of judging. I don't have answers to all of them, though I certainly have opinions and thoughts on most of them. Mostly, I think they are simply important questions to ponder regardless of whether we can pin down a concrete answer for all or any of them:
*Is it possible to disapprove of an action we observe without negatively assessing the person who does the thing?
*Is making a personal decision about what we consider right and wrong the same as judging that action for all other people when we observe them doing it?
*Can we truly believe in the concept of moral law without believing some actions are wrong?
*How much does our assessment of others' actions matter?
*How much does others' assessment of our actions matter?
I hope you had fun pondering those. I imagine I'm going to continue to ponder them for some time now. Another thing I've pondered and tried to understand is the well-known and oft-quoted passage from the Sermon on the Mount:
"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." (Matt. 7:1-2)
Note that these are among those verses which are not altered at all in the 3 Nephi retelling of the Sermon on the Mount (albeit there is a narrative transition added to the beginning of the first verse).
From the ancient source texts, forms of the Greek word krino are used 5 times in those 2 verses. This is that primitive verb meaning "to discern" and a far greater number of both Old and New Testament passages tell us that is is something we SHOULD do. But the word "judgment" in verse 2 is actually a more specific noun form (krima) which denotes an actual pronouncement of condemnation. As this is the only connotation we can assign to the other 4 neutral krino forms in the verses, it seems like the best interpretation looking at it from this perspective would be "Condemn not, that ye be not condemned." Elsewhere, of course, Christ tells us that we SHOULD "judge righteous judgment" (John 7:24). This Greek basically connotes to discern the good that people do.
Ultimately, the more I study this subject, the more it seemingly increases in ambiguity. There is a bit of a contradiction in Christ's commands that we both should and shouldn't judge, but I *think* (and this is certainly a fluid opinion on my part) that the point He's trying to convey is this: we should not occupy ourselves thinking about the bad others do, but we should take note of the good they do. That being said, it would be unwise for us to never discern whether an action is good or bad. We simply needn't preoccupy ourselves with those actions we deem inappropriate and we should never neglect to see the good in everyone wherever it is found.
Sometimes it is our job or stewardship to judge the deeds of others and even to offer correction. The role of parents is often to help correct a child in order to help them become an upstanding and morally concerned contributor to society. Teachers cannot truly help a student grow if they aren't willing to assess weaknesses and points for correction. In these and similar instances, discerning weakness is necessary, including even commentary and feedback on those weaknesses. If our focusing on a weakness is not for the intent to lift someone higher or is not appropriately within our stewardship, it probably isn't a wise thing for us to make public or to dwell on.
I know this post hasn't been very logically ordered thus far, perhaps because it reflects my disjoint and inconclusive thoughts on the subject. But overall most of my advice and thoughts have focused on those who judge. Now a few thoughts for those who feel judged by others:
First of all, for the most part it doesn't matter what others think about you, and you may not be correct anyway. You are not a telepath. We desire acceptance and fear losing it, so we often jump to the conclusion that the absence of a positive affirmation of our actions automatically assumes a negative assessment. Second of all, sometimes our assumptions about the judgments of others are actually a reflection of our own arguments with ourselves. Change is difficult and when we don't want to change (even when deep down we know we need to) we build walls of justification that can also involve assigning blame to others who are "judging us" as a defense. They may not have thought about anything you've done, but regardless of whether or not they have, your perceptions of their thoughts are more likely a manifestation of your own argument with yourself about the relative good or bad of your own actions. Sometimes this might mean that the correct course is actually to humbly listen and look for ways to improve rather than to fight back. And if you know you are doing the right thing, then it doesn't matter what others think about you. Let them think you are evil if they want to; if you are a good person then God will take note, regardless of the opinions of others around you. He's smarter than they are. And don't judge them in return. If they are judging you, their underlying intent is most likely to safeguard themselves from doing things that are wrong. That isn't always the case, but quite often a person may judge even inappropriately with the best of intentions because they, like you, are also imperfect.
Anyway, I hope this made sense. It has not been my first post on judging and I'm sure it won't be my last. Commentary is welcome.
My best,
Obadiah
Showing posts with label judging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label judging. Show all posts
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
I Have a Dream (Romans 1:16)
Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.
(January 15, 1929-April 4, 1968)
(January 15, 1929-April 4, 1968)
49 years ago this year Martin Luther King, Jr. told the world about the dream he had, that his "four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." Today we honor the memory of a man who had incredible insight and helped bring about miracles of equality for his race. I cannot think of a better way to honor him than to take a little time to fight for many of the same principles that he espoused: namely, the idea of love for those who are different, especially as one who has faced a bit of persecution for being who he is.
I've mentioned before the great irony of being a faithful latter-day saint experiencing same-sex attraction: you tend to feel persecution sometimes on two fronts. Indeed, there are reasons why this blog is anonymous, and the foremost reason is because I know there are individuals in my life who simply wouldn't speak to me anymore if they knew. I'm dead serious. It is sad that even within the Church there are still those who cannot accept us as regular human beings. Paranoia still rules many thoughts. Some misconceptions I've heard honestly perpetuated among some Church members within the last month (I'm not making these up!):
*Those who have thought homosexual thoughts ever in their lives cannot receive the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom.
*Same-sex attraction comes about purely as the result of sin, or not living as fully righteously as you could have. It means the person has neglected their soul enough to let it be warped into such an unnatural state.
*Same-sex attraction is merely a choice, and those who have made that choice need to repent and stop trying to be different for the sake of attention.
*Those who are same-gender attracted cannot take the sacrament. (Some even think they shouldn't be allowed to come to Church, lest they corrupt the youth).
I have a dream that one day I could be open about my SSA and be judged not by who I find attractive, but by the content of my character. The statements above bring me to a topic I have come to feel very strongly about as I've gotten to know others who experience what I do. That topic is Shame. When people say statements like those above, it perpetuates depression and shame among those who are SSA. These misconceptions succeed in making the individual feel that they are condemned and responsible for inclinations beyond their choosing. This negates agency and seems to predestine the individual. Sounds a lot like Satan's plan to me...
That said, I must add that on the whole I am actually very optimistic about where the majority of Church members are on this issue. I think most do not hold the views expressed above and are extremely loving not only of those like me who stay in the Church while experiencing same-sex attraction, but also of those who choose to leave and pursue a homosexual partner. This is wonderful, because Christ simply commanded us to love everyone. I can state that I believe homosexual acts to be a sin we must avoid, and thus choose to avoid it myself, without hating those who make a different choice. But I hope that others respect my choice as well. And here I confront the other major front of the battle: the false rhetoric and hate speech of those in the LGBT community who condemn me for choosing to live an active latter-day saint lifestyle, and I fear there is much less progress on this front.
Many have called the gay rights movement the "new civil rights" movement of our day. There are many things I both agree and disagree with in that comparison, but even some within the gay community don't want full equality granted to everyone. To some of them, I am considered a traitor who undermines everything they are or believe in. That has never been my intent. I have tried never to take an anti-homosexual stance on this blog; rather, I have merely tried to affirm my own approach to the issue and declare that my set of values and choices in light of my attractions are just as valid and meaningful as those of anyone else. I don't wish to offend, but I also don't wish to be misunderstood, and I certainly won't stand being marginalized. "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth;" (Romans 1:16). If I won't let members of the Church cause me to feel shame for my attractions, then I am most certainly not about to let anybody make me feel shame for the gospel.
I think what people don't realize is that I stay in the Church not because of cultural pressure, but because I know that it is true. I didn't always. But I have been blessed with a deep and abiding testimony of the truth with many strong spiritual witnesses of its validity. I find great happiness in it, and a deep sense of identity. I speak with God in prayer every morning and night, and He comforts me. I wouldn't trade that joy for anything. But there are those who say I must, or else I'm worthy of the discrimination that they themselves fight so hard against. I've been accused of not being a real person, of not being truly gay/SSA, and many other claims just as erroneous, if not more so, than those listed above coming from the other direction. On this front I'm told that I'm just a brainwashed drone without the courage to stand up for the sexual experiences that would supposedly make me happier. Above all, it seems that many tend to resent me for saying that staying righteous is possible. They have to disagree because it didn't work for them, so they have to tell themselves it cannot work for anyone. So they focus huge amounts of energy, and often large sums of money on attacking the Church, and especially gay Mormons who choose to stick with the Church. And the biggest lie they perpetuate is that they've "never seen it work before;" that eventually we all fall down. (SO FALSE! I know online literally hundreds of the faithful who've stuck with it and many are now older and even retired, and very happy.) And so on this front I am judged to be a coward and/or a liar. Well, I have a dream that one day I can be judged not for my religious beliefs and convictions, but for the content of my character.
If I have spoken boldly to two audiences, it's because I feel very strongly about my subject. But I repeat that I bear no ill will for either party I've addressed. I also fully recognize that just as not all Church members espouse the silly claims I listed, neither do all gays and lesbians hold deep prejudices against me. But even to those who do, I offer love.
Let's return to the civil rights comparison. I served my mission in a place where racism was still all too common. I became a very passionate advocate for racial equality and an adversary to the dragon of racism on my mission. When I got home, I watched a movie I had missed while I was out called Hairspray. Many of you have probably seen it. I knew before it began that it was a chipper musical starring John Travolta as a large woman, but I had no idea that the major theme of the film was racism. I've mentioned in previous posts how embarrassed I am about the fact that I cry easily in movies. Well, Hairspray really took the cake. Keep in mind I had been home for maybe 2 weeks when I watched it, and so I was in that emotionally unstable RM stage to begin with. So when the film ended up being about an issue that had grown to be so important to me on my mission...well, let's just say... I bawled. Like a baby. I still love that movie, and it still makes me cry. And yes, I feel silly crying during Hairspray. Anyway, in the middle, there is a song sung by Queen Latifah called "I Know Where I've Been." Some of the lyrics describe well the struggle of the cause I'm speaking about. Here's an excerpt:
There's a cry
In the distance
It's a voice
That comes from deep within
There's a cry
Asking why
I pray the answer's up ahead
Yeah, 'Cause I know where I've been
There's a road
We've been travelin'
Lost so many on the way
But the riches
Will be plenty
Worth the price
The price we had to pay
There's a dream
In the future
There's a struggle
That we have yet to win
And there's pride
In my heart
'Cause I know
Where I'm going
Yes I do!
And I know where I've been
I don't care if some tell me I chose my attractions and need to repent to gain salvation. I know otherwise. I don't care if some tell me I'm a liar. I know otherwise. I don't care if some tell me I'm not really happy. I know otherwise. I don't care if some tell me that I'm not a real person. I certainly know otherwise! I know where I've been. And, as the song says, there is a long road and many have been lost along the way. But there is a dream of winning the struggle. "And there's pride in my heart, 'Cause I know where I'm going." I have no shame of the gospel, nor of being attracted to men. That said, there is one more topic I've got to address: my anonymity.
Some of you who have asked me how I can honestly proclaim a message that there is no need for shame in SSA when I write an anonymous blog, hiding behind my pseudonym. That question does not offend me, because it is actually a very valid concern. Honestly, there are some fantastic strong members of the Church out there who are very public and have even written wonderful books. (If you don't know who Ty Mansfield is, search him RIGHT NOW). There is a strong need for public faces to our special cross-section demographic of the LGBT community with the faithful LDS community. A part of me would love to be one of those faces. I think it would genuinely surprise a lot of people, but also give a lot of hope to see that a very normal, but also very lucky and successful guy like me experiences same-sex attraction. I think it could turn heads and do a lot of good to help heal some of those lingering fallacious public perceptions of this problem.
But I can't. It isn't a matter of shame. It is primarily because there are people very close and very important to me who unfortunately perhaps ascribe to some of those misconceptions and aren't ready yet. I don't hold that against them. I love them dearly and trust that in time they will be able to alter their views. Above all, there can be lots of complications and prejudice faced when people "come out" so to speak. I've not told anyone yet who I didn't feel spiritually prompted to. I've talked a lot with the Lord on this subject and trust that if/when He ever wants/needs me to be more public that He'll let me know. Maybe that won't ever be. I don't know. I'll trust Him. But for now I hope that you can understand that there are many complicated reasons why I simply cannot forfeit my anonymity right now, and the Lord has told me that's the right course for me. I would also caution AGAINST coming out public if the reason is merely to create drama or draw attention (we all feel that way sometimes! don't give in!). Be sure to be prayerful, and you can be sure that the Lord will let you know the correct course for you. Keeping a family relation in tact may be more important in your life right now than being able to help change public perceptions of SSA.
I have a dream that one day we will conquer the prejudices from all sides that make this subject so unfortunately taboo that it requires anonymity in the first place. I would remind you what I've said in another post: that we won't win the battle against hate/ignorance with hate and ignorance! THE ANSWER IS LOVE! As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
My best,
Obadiah
Friday, December 30, 2011
Verse by Verse: Isaiah 56
I've had this post in mind since I began this blog. I finally feel ready to write it.
Sometimes one of the big frustrations for members of the Church who experience same-sex attraction is that while there are great recent materials and modern general authority statements regarding SSA, the canon of scripture seems relatively silent regarding our plight. In many regards this is true, but one of the points of my blog has been to show that the scriptures still offer great support for us. While all of the other scriptures I've shared here so far have great application to members of the Church who experience same-sex attraction, I've found Isaiah 56 very meaningful personally because I believe that it is not only applicable, but in many ways intended for or addressed to our special little demographic within the covenant people. This is incredibly rare in scripture!
Like my similar post on the first chapter of James a few weeks ago, I'd like to approach not only a couple verses, but rather a whole chapter verse by verse. Of course, this chapter is actually much shorter than the first chapter of James, and in fact I'm not even going to touch the last four verses, as they actually belong with chapter 57 and have little to do with the theme of 56. So, here goes Isaiah 56:1-8, considered verse by verse in the same format as that earlier post:
Background: The book of Isaiah breaks down into 2 distinct parts, often considered 2 completely separate books. The first portion includes chapters 1-39, followed by the second half, often referred to as Deutero-Isaiah comprising 40-66. Some have contended that these two halves were actually written by different people--the second being a man decades or even centuries after Isaiah's death. I highly disagree (if you want to debate that subject, email me). But I digress. The reason I'm telling you this is that there IS a distinct difference between the first and second books of Isaiah. The first is rather condemning, the second rather merciful. I could detail a lot of other significant differences, but bear in mind that this chapter comes from the second portion, and is thus filled with great spiritual promises. This is a very happy chapter, and I turn to it often for strength. I hope you find some great strength in it too. Here goes:
1 Thus saith the LORD, Keep ye judgment, and do justice: for my salvation is near to come, and my righteousness to be revealed.
2 Blessed is the man that doeth this, and the son of man that layeth hold on it; that keepeth the sabbath from polluting it, and keepeth his hand from doing any evil.
Commentary: The chapter begins with a few conditions for the promises about to be expounded upon. Interestingly, Isaiah has not yet explained his intended audience yet, which he usually does right away. I think he's just especially trying to emphasize the importance of these conditions. He's going to spend most of the rest of the chapter unfolding tender mercies and promised blessings, but for now he needs us to know that we have to put forth a little bit of effort to claim all of them. The first verse's message is very simple: "Choose the right! There are good things just around the corner."
The second verse begins to foretell blessings to come, and then takes the time to very specifically mention one particular commandment: honoring the sabbath. I cannot honestly tell you why this particular commandment is singled out, but I can testify that observance of it has very directly helped facilitate the blessings outlined in this chapter in my own life. I live for the sabbath day. I have a very busy life and love having a day that I don't have to worry about homework or work or so many other cares life brings. Those who drag worldly stresses onto the sabbath punish themselves! Preach My Gospel says the following about keeping the Sabbath: "When a community or nation grows careless in its Sabbath activities, its religious life decays and all aspects of life are negatively affected. The blessings associated with keeping the Sabbath day holy are lost" (PMG, p. 74). Notice also the second specified piece of this counsel in verse two to "keep your hand from doing any evil." Many potential applications here for sins that our hands commit. Find one applicable to you.
Now, with the foundation of counsel and conditions, Isaiah is prepared to address his intended audience:
3 Neither let the son of the stranger, that hath joined himself to the LORD, speak, saying, The LORD hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree.
Commentary: So, Isaiah has revealed a two-fold audience. These blessings and promises will apply to the "son of the stranger," in other words, those born outside the covenant who convert to the gospel. He is comforting them because they feel like they are lesser members of the kingdom, separate from the lifelong members and thus rather discouraged. The second group is much more unique: Isaiah specifically counsels eunuchs who are part of the covenant people. These men are discouraged because they know the role of family in the gospel plan and feel like therefore they can't receive a fullness of gospel blessings because they are "dry trees" incapable of marrying or having children.
Isaiah was perhaps more aware than most if not all of his OT contemporaries the importance of his writings for our day. He writes a lot of things that weren't pertinent to his peers nearly at all, but which are vitally important to us today. Often he has applications for both time periods though, and this seems to be one of those times. The convert demographic is obvious enough in our day, but what about eunuchs? Well, while I don't personally know of any castrated latter-day saints in our day, I do know of faithful singles who, for no fault of their own (just as most eunuchs--who were typically made so at birth) may not have the opportunity to marry in this life. While I certainly hope to marry in this life, what if that just isn't the plan? Couldn't faithful saints who experience same-sex attraction and never marry be easily likened to these eunuchs in their desperate plight, worrying if the blessings of eternal family and exaltation will be withheld forever? What about faithful LDS women who are faithful and don't see marriage in this life, like Sister Barbara Thompson of the Relief Society general presidency? Perhaps the eunuch comparison may sound far-fetched to you right now, but keep reading. I believe that Isaiah wasn't just addressing a similar group of people; I believe he saw our day and wrote this letter to the eunuchs of his own with us in mind.
4 For thus saith the LORD unto the eunuchs that keep my sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant;
5 Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will give unto them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off.
Commentary: The conditions of the blessings for the eunuchs are reasserted, including an additional reference to the sabbath day. Then, the Lord makes a beautiful promise: the promise of temple blessings. He has reminded them earlier that they are not "dry trees." They have eternal potential and can receive the same eternal blessings, and to prove that to them, he tells them to take the blessings of their temple covenants as a reminder of what the Lord is willing to give them. By the way, to underscore the relevance of verse 5 to our temple covenants, it's worth noting that the word "place" is an erroneous translation that would be better rendered "hand." Thus, the Lord invites the eunuchs to come to his house (the temple) and receive by covenant a HAND and a NAME. In short, the endowment becomes God's down-payment on the blessings of eternal exaltation including roles in eternal families that go beyond merely those "of sons and of daughters" (implicitly, those of husbands/fathers and of wives/mothers).
By the way, the use of the word "daughters" itself implies an extended audience beyond just the eunuchs he's addressed expressly in these verses, since all eunuchs were male and therefore saying "daughters" (which is rare enough in scripture even when eunuchs aren't involved) doesn't make sense unless others are implied. Remember that while verse 3 addressed both converts and eunuchs, verses 4 and 5 address only the eunuchs, just as the next 2 will address specifically the converts:
6 Also the sons of the stranger, that join themselves to the LORD, to serve him, and to love the name of the LORD, to be his servants, every one that keepeth the sabbath from polluting it, and taketh hold of my covenant;
7 Even them will I bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer: their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted upon mine altar; for mine house shall be called an house of prayer for all people.
Commentary: Like the eunuchs, recall that the converts were depressed because they felt like they were unable to be full participants in the Kingdom. Perhaps their past lives filled them with guilt, or perhaps they were mistreated by others of the covenant. Either way, they had thoughts very similar in many ways to those of the eunuchs, and the Lord actually promises them the same blessing! He explains it in a different way, but in verse seven he promises the blessings of the temple as a reminder of their eternal inheritance. The beautiful thing about the Hebrew poetic synonymous parallelism created by verses 4-5 in parallel with 6-7 is that while they say basically the same thing, the different explanations of the same thing expand our understanding. In other words, 4-5 may be addressed to the eunuchs, but the converts actually can directly own those verses because they are told the same thing in parallel. Likewise, the eunuchs may take meaning from verses 6-7. And this "eunuch" intends to. :)
Verse seven contains what is perhaps the most meaningful phrase to me personally from the entire chapter: "their sacrifices shall be accepted." All faithful covenant keepers make sacrifices, and it is very touching to me when the Lord takes time to acknowledge that fact. After all, our small sacrifices mean very little compared to His Great Sacrifice. And yet He cries with us in the pain of the things that are hard for us to part with, but which must go if we are to live with Him forever. When I first read this chapter with a realization of its application to my plight, I had actually been having some rather depressing thoughts. In the first place, I had been unhealthily dwelling far too much on fantasies (non-sexual) of what it would be like to be with a man. The idea was actually (and still sometimes is) so beautiful to me. Of course, it is mingled with lots of other guilt and confusing emotions too, but I fully recognize and believe that temporally I could be very happy living in a long-term monogamous relationship with a man. But I have already made a decision to lay that desire on the altar of sacrifice. That's what I'd been thinking and reminding myself of my commitment to when I found this chapter and read the sweet reassurance that my sacrifice was accepted of the Lord. And do you know what? I am not sad at all about the choice I've made. In fact, I find lots of happiness also in the thought of being in a long-term (that is, eternal) relationship with an elect daughter of God. I truly do desire that very deeply and find happiness in chaste fantasies about that life as well. And what if I don't attain that in this life? Yet will I not say to the Lord that I am a barren tree. I will trust Him and rely on the blessings of my temple covenants as a reminder of the celestial rewards to come. And that makes me happy.
One last verse to tie it all together:
8 The Lord GOD which gathereth the outcasts of Israel saith, Yet will I gather others to him, beside those that are gathered unto him.
Commentary: The end of verse seven talked about the Lord's house being for all people, and the chapter concludes with this similar verse of counsel to the converts and "eunuchs" who perceive themselves as outcasts in the Kingdom. He gathers us too! And He will gather others not yet of the covenant, who also need to be made welcome here. All people are different. All people have struggles. Most people would be blown away to learn some of the trials I've been blessed with in this life. Likewise, if I knew what each person around me struggled with I would probably be equally amazed. There is no cause to "judge another, when I walk imperfectly," for we would do well to remember that "in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see" (Hymn 220). The Lord wants us to make room for everyone in the kingdom, be they convert, eunuch, or anyone else. Begin today to widen the scope of your embrace for God's children. God wants to have all of His children back.
My best,
Obadiah
Sometimes one of the big frustrations for members of the Church who experience same-sex attraction is that while there are great recent materials and modern general authority statements regarding SSA, the canon of scripture seems relatively silent regarding our plight. In many regards this is true, but one of the points of my blog has been to show that the scriptures still offer great support for us. While all of the other scriptures I've shared here so far have great application to members of the Church who experience same-sex attraction, I've found Isaiah 56 very meaningful personally because I believe that it is not only applicable, but in many ways intended for or addressed to our special little demographic within the covenant people. This is incredibly rare in scripture!
Like my similar post on the first chapter of James a few weeks ago, I'd like to approach not only a couple verses, but rather a whole chapter verse by verse. Of course, this chapter is actually much shorter than the first chapter of James, and in fact I'm not even going to touch the last four verses, as they actually belong with chapter 57 and have little to do with the theme of 56. So, here goes Isaiah 56:1-8, considered verse by verse in the same format as that earlier post:
Background: The book of Isaiah breaks down into 2 distinct parts, often considered 2 completely separate books. The first portion includes chapters 1-39, followed by the second half, often referred to as Deutero-Isaiah comprising 40-66. Some have contended that these two halves were actually written by different people--the second being a man decades or even centuries after Isaiah's death. I highly disagree (if you want to debate that subject, email me). But I digress. The reason I'm telling you this is that there IS a distinct difference between the first and second books of Isaiah. The first is rather condemning, the second rather merciful. I could detail a lot of other significant differences, but bear in mind that this chapter comes from the second portion, and is thus filled with great spiritual promises. This is a very happy chapter, and I turn to it often for strength. I hope you find some great strength in it too. Here goes:
1 Thus saith the LORD, Keep ye judgment, and do justice: for my salvation is near to come, and my righteousness to be revealed.
2 Blessed is the man that doeth this, and the son of man that layeth hold on it; that keepeth the sabbath from polluting it, and keepeth his hand from doing any evil.
Commentary: The chapter begins with a few conditions for the promises about to be expounded upon. Interestingly, Isaiah has not yet explained his intended audience yet, which he usually does right away. I think he's just especially trying to emphasize the importance of these conditions. He's going to spend most of the rest of the chapter unfolding tender mercies and promised blessings, but for now he needs us to know that we have to put forth a little bit of effort to claim all of them. The first verse's message is very simple: "Choose the right! There are good things just around the corner."
The second verse begins to foretell blessings to come, and then takes the time to very specifically mention one particular commandment: honoring the sabbath. I cannot honestly tell you why this particular commandment is singled out, but I can testify that observance of it has very directly helped facilitate the blessings outlined in this chapter in my own life. I live for the sabbath day. I have a very busy life and love having a day that I don't have to worry about homework or work or so many other cares life brings. Those who drag worldly stresses onto the sabbath punish themselves! Preach My Gospel says the following about keeping the Sabbath: "When a community or nation grows careless in its Sabbath activities, its religious life decays and all aspects of life are negatively affected. The blessings associated with keeping the Sabbath day holy are lost" (PMG, p. 74). Notice also the second specified piece of this counsel in verse two to "keep your hand from doing any evil." Many potential applications here for sins that our hands commit. Find one applicable to you.
Now, with the foundation of counsel and conditions, Isaiah is prepared to address his intended audience:
3 Neither let the son of the stranger, that hath joined himself to the LORD, speak, saying, The LORD hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree.
Commentary: So, Isaiah has revealed a two-fold audience. These blessings and promises will apply to the "son of the stranger," in other words, those born outside the covenant who convert to the gospel. He is comforting them because they feel like they are lesser members of the kingdom, separate from the lifelong members and thus rather discouraged. The second group is much more unique: Isaiah specifically counsels eunuchs who are part of the covenant people. These men are discouraged because they know the role of family in the gospel plan and feel like therefore they can't receive a fullness of gospel blessings because they are "dry trees" incapable of marrying or having children.
Isaiah was perhaps more aware than most if not all of his OT contemporaries the importance of his writings for our day. He writes a lot of things that weren't pertinent to his peers nearly at all, but which are vitally important to us today. Often he has applications for both time periods though, and this seems to be one of those times. The convert demographic is obvious enough in our day, but what about eunuchs? Well, while I don't personally know of any castrated latter-day saints in our day, I do know of faithful singles who, for no fault of their own (just as most eunuchs--who were typically made so at birth) may not have the opportunity to marry in this life. While I certainly hope to marry in this life, what if that just isn't the plan? Couldn't faithful saints who experience same-sex attraction and never marry be easily likened to these eunuchs in their desperate plight, worrying if the blessings of eternal family and exaltation will be withheld forever? What about faithful LDS women who are faithful and don't see marriage in this life, like Sister Barbara Thompson of the Relief Society general presidency? Perhaps the eunuch comparison may sound far-fetched to you right now, but keep reading. I believe that Isaiah wasn't just addressing a similar group of people; I believe he saw our day and wrote this letter to the eunuchs of his own with us in mind.
4 For thus saith the LORD unto the eunuchs that keep my sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant;
5 Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will give unto them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off.
Commentary: The conditions of the blessings for the eunuchs are reasserted, including an additional reference to the sabbath day. Then, the Lord makes a beautiful promise: the promise of temple blessings. He has reminded them earlier that they are not "dry trees." They have eternal potential and can receive the same eternal blessings, and to prove that to them, he tells them to take the blessings of their temple covenants as a reminder of what the Lord is willing to give them. By the way, to underscore the relevance of verse 5 to our temple covenants, it's worth noting that the word "place" is an erroneous translation that would be better rendered "hand." Thus, the Lord invites the eunuchs to come to his house (the temple) and receive by covenant a HAND and a NAME. In short, the endowment becomes God's down-payment on the blessings of eternal exaltation including roles in eternal families that go beyond merely those "of sons and of daughters" (implicitly, those of husbands/fathers and of wives/mothers).
By the way, the use of the word "daughters" itself implies an extended audience beyond just the eunuchs he's addressed expressly in these verses, since all eunuchs were male and therefore saying "daughters" (which is rare enough in scripture even when eunuchs aren't involved) doesn't make sense unless others are implied. Remember that while verse 3 addressed both converts and eunuchs, verses 4 and 5 address only the eunuchs, just as the next 2 will address specifically the converts:
6 Also the sons of the stranger, that join themselves to the LORD, to serve him, and to love the name of the LORD, to be his servants, every one that keepeth the sabbath from polluting it, and taketh hold of my covenant;
7 Even them will I bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer: their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted upon mine altar; for mine house shall be called an house of prayer for all people.
Commentary: Like the eunuchs, recall that the converts were depressed because they felt like they were unable to be full participants in the Kingdom. Perhaps their past lives filled them with guilt, or perhaps they were mistreated by others of the covenant. Either way, they had thoughts very similar in many ways to those of the eunuchs, and the Lord actually promises them the same blessing! He explains it in a different way, but in verse seven he promises the blessings of the temple as a reminder of their eternal inheritance. The beautiful thing about the Hebrew poetic synonymous parallelism created by verses 4-5 in parallel with 6-7 is that while they say basically the same thing, the different explanations of the same thing expand our understanding. In other words, 4-5 may be addressed to the eunuchs, but the converts actually can directly own those verses because they are told the same thing in parallel. Likewise, the eunuchs may take meaning from verses 6-7. And this "eunuch" intends to. :)
Verse seven contains what is perhaps the most meaningful phrase to me personally from the entire chapter: "their sacrifices shall be accepted." All faithful covenant keepers make sacrifices, and it is very touching to me when the Lord takes time to acknowledge that fact. After all, our small sacrifices mean very little compared to His Great Sacrifice. And yet He cries with us in the pain of the things that are hard for us to part with, but which must go if we are to live with Him forever. When I first read this chapter with a realization of its application to my plight, I had actually been having some rather depressing thoughts. In the first place, I had been unhealthily dwelling far too much on fantasies (non-sexual) of what it would be like to be with a man. The idea was actually (and still sometimes is) so beautiful to me. Of course, it is mingled with lots of other guilt and confusing emotions too, but I fully recognize and believe that temporally I could be very happy living in a long-term monogamous relationship with a man. But I have already made a decision to lay that desire on the altar of sacrifice. That's what I'd been thinking and reminding myself of my commitment to when I found this chapter and read the sweet reassurance that my sacrifice was accepted of the Lord. And do you know what? I am not sad at all about the choice I've made. In fact, I find lots of happiness also in the thought of being in a long-term (that is, eternal) relationship with an elect daughter of God. I truly do desire that very deeply and find happiness in chaste fantasies about that life as well. And what if I don't attain that in this life? Yet will I not say to the Lord that I am a barren tree. I will trust Him and rely on the blessings of my temple covenants as a reminder of the celestial rewards to come. And that makes me happy.
One last verse to tie it all together:
8 The Lord GOD which gathereth the outcasts of Israel saith, Yet will I gather others to him, beside those that are gathered unto him.
Commentary: The end of verse seven talked about the Lord's house being for all people, and the chapter concludes with this similar verse of counsel to the converts and "eunuchs" who perceive themselves as outcasts in the Kingdom. He gathers us too! And He will gather others not yet of the covenant, who also need to be made welcome here. All people are different. All people have struggles. Most people would be blown away to learn some of the trials I've been blessed with in this life. Likewise, if I knew what each person around me struggled with I would probably be equally amazed. There is no cause to "judge another, when I walk imperfectly," for we would do well to remember that "in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see" (Hymn 220). The Lord wants us to make room for everyone in the kingdom, be they convert, eunuch, or anyone else. Begin today to widen the scope of your embrace for God's children. God wants to have all of His children back.
My best,
Obadiah
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Love thy neighbor (Matthew 22:35-39)
Okay, it's about time I write a post on a really important subject: the conundrum of bullying and judging. As a member of the LDS Church, I am well-acquainted with being the recipient of hate and persecution. As a man who is physically attracted to other men, I am also keenly aware of further judgment and bullying. In fact, being both puts me in an interesting position to be hated from pretty much all directions! :)
Great sadnesses of my life: when those of other faiths bitterly degrade and attack my own; when members of my faith treat others negatively because their lifestyle or even merely their attractions are not the same as their own; when people of any age or background bully or humiliate an openly gay person in their community or school. Whenever I read stories of another gay teen suicide my heart absolutely breaks. Honestly, I'm an optimistic enough person to believe that the majority of you reading this post are equally saddened by basically everything in his paragraph so far. Now here's another sadness of my life: when the persecuted throw judgment and hate at those who persecute them.
It's easy to not be so saddened by hate flung back by the persecuted because it's easy to see their rage as basically "justified." And maybe to a degree it is. Nonetheless, we can't be satisfied with ANY forms of hate. The great irony of the man who cries, "They're all just judging me all the time!" is that he is in fact judging everyone else in return. Very likely, they weren't ALL judging him, and certainly not ALL the time, but when we are the recipients of hate, it becomes easy to hold onto the hate thrown at us and use it as our defense. I recommend a more Christian alternative: "Love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matt. 22:39).
Loving those who throw verbal (or literal) stones at us is not easy, but it is essential. I've always thought the metaphor of "fighting fire with fire" rather ridiculous. Do firemen save a building by spreading more fire? No, of course not! They stop fires with water or flame-retardant chemicals. Adding more fire just complicates the problem. Likewise, fighting hate with hate simply doesn't work and just burns all the parties more in the end. We must use the cooling waters of love to respond to those who hate us. Once again, it isn't easy amidst the heat of an attack against your faith, your life, your emotions, etc. to respond to the perceived monsters tormenting us with love--but if we don't, we each become just as much a monster. As a friend of mine recently shared, "If you can't get along with someone, one of you isn't going to the Celestial Kingdom." Yes, it's hard! The right choice usually is the harder one, and it always takes great courage to rush into a burning building with the hose, regardless of how thick your fire suit is (but remember from an earlier post that "God hath not given us the spirit of fear...").
So how do we learn to respond with love? I believe it begins with understanding, just as most hate is born out of ignorance. I've already said once in this post that I'm generally optimistic about people. I have a hard time believing that there are very many completely evil people in the world. When someone is mocking you it can be harder to see the good in them, but I promise you it's there, and our lack of seeing it just underscores our own ignorance that provokes us to react with the same hate. If they say hurtful things about you because you are attracted to those of the same sex, I'm willing to bet they don't understand you at all. If you respond by saying they are a brainwashed, maniacal, fascist, racist, idiot, well... you probably don't understand them very well either! Be the bigger person by instead just keeping your smile on your face, love in your heart, and following Thumper's advice that "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say nuttin' at all [even though they said mean things about you]!" Turning the other cheek has become so rare in our society that when you do so, it is surprisingly disarming to your opponent. They are expecting you to fight back, and when you don't, it truly can cause them to rethink what they're doing and drive them to greater understanding and thus less ignorance and hate.
I love the passage I quoted above from Christ, speaking of the Great Commandments to love God and the love our neighbor as ourselves. In context of the story, we see the Master truly living this principle. As told in Matthew 22:35-39:
"Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself"
Throughout the whole chapter, the scribes, Pharisees, and Saducees had been trying to provoke Christ and bully him. They threw difficult questions at Him to try to discredit Him, usually interlaced with direct verbal affronts to His character. Yet, he doesn't respond to any of the questions in the chapter with the same biting contempt with which they ask. Instead, as this last question so clearly demonstrates, the answer he gives is LOVE.
To all my friends reading this post, whether you be Mormon, Muslim, straight, gay, atheist, male, female, black, white, tall, short, persecutor, persecuted, informed, ignorant, or anything else: We've all experienced hate born out of misunderstanding. We cannot fight ignorance with hate, nor hate with ignorance--for they are inseparable bed-fellow vices. We must respond instead with understanding and love. It worked for Christ; as verse 46 of the same chapter details, that as a result of his even-tempered and loving response, "no man did from that day forth ask him any more questions." Respond with love and the armies of hate will eventually give up. In the mean time, keep moving forward and don't listen to the mean things others say. No matter what others say about you, I love you and will always be your friend and someone you can talk to (email me at anothergaymormon@gmail.com). Hang in there! As a series of popular ads you are likely familiar with says, truly "It gets better."
Well, this may have been my first post on this subject specifically, but I can guarantee it won't be my last. Meanwhile, do you see any hate or ignorance around you that you'd like to combat? Feel free to pass this post along to others to help encourage understanding and love. Or better yet, add your own voice to the conversation! Be willing to stand up for love and help share this higher philosophy with the world.
My best,
Obadiah
Great sadnesses of my life: when those of other faiths bitterly degrade and attack my own; when members of my faith treat others negatively because their lifestyle or even merely their attractions are not the same as their own; when people of any age or background bully or humiliate an openly gay person in their community or school. Whenever I read stories of another gay teen suicide my heart absolutely breaks. Honestly, I'm an optimistic enough person to believe that the majority of you reading this post are equally saddened by basically everything in his paragraph so far. Now here's another sadness of my life: when the persecuted throw judgment and hate at those who persecute them.
It's easy to not be so saddened by hate flung back by the persecuted because it's easy to see their rage as basically "justified." And maybe to a degree it is. Nonetheless, we can't be satisfied with ANY forms of hate. The great irony of the man who cries, "They're all just judging me all the time!" is that he is in fact judging everyone else in return. Very likely, they weren't ALL judging him, and certainly not ALL the time, but when we are the recipients of hate, it becomes easy to hold onto the hate thrown at us and use it as our defense. I recommend a more Christian alternative: "Love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matt. 22:39).
Loving those who throw verbal (or literal) stones at us is not easy, but it is essential. I've always thought the metaphor of "fighting fire with fire" rather ridiculous. Do firemen save a building by spreading more fire? No, of course not! They stop fires with water or flame-retardant chemicals. Adding more fire just complicates the problem. Likewise, fighting hate with hate simply doesn't work and just burns all the parties more in the end. We must use the cooling waters of love to respond to those who hate us. Once again, it isn't easy amidst the heat of an attack against your faith, your life, your emotions, etc. to respond to the perceived monsters tormenting us with love--but if we don't, we each become just as much a monster. As a friend of mine recently shared, "If you can't get along with someone, one of you isn't going to the Celestial Kingdom." Yes, it's hard! The right choice usually is the harder one, and it always takes great courage to rush into a burning building with the hose, regardless of how thick your fire suit is (but remember from an earlier post that "God hath not given us the spirit of fear...").
So how do we learn to respond with love? I believe it begins with understanding, just as most hate is born out of ignorance. I've already said once in this post that I'm generally optimistic about people. I have a hard time believing that there are very many completely evil people in the world. When someone is mocking you it can be harder to see the good in them, but I promise you it's there, and our lack of seeing it just underscores our own ignorance that provokes us to react with the same hate. If they say hurtful things about you because you are attracted to those of the same sex, I'm willing to bet they don't understand you at all. If you respond by saying they are a brainwashed, maniacal, fascist, racist, idiot, well... you probably don't understand them very well either! Be the bigger person by instead just keeping your smile on your face, love in your heart, and following Thumper's advice that "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say nuttin' at all [even though they said mean things about you]!" Turning the other cheek has become so rare in our society that when you do so, it is surprisingly disarming to your opponent. They are expecting you to fight back, and when you don't, it truly can cause them to rethink what they're doing and drive them to greater understanding and thus less ignorance and hate.
I love the passage I quoted above from Christ, speaking of the Great Commandments to love God and the love our neighbor as ourselves. In context of the story, we see the Master truly living this principle. As told in Matthew 22:35-39:
"Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself"
Throughout the whole chapter, the scribes, Pharisees, and Saducees had been trying to provoke Christ and bully him. They threw difficult questions at Him to try to discredit Him, usually interlaced with direct verbal affronts to His character. Yet, he doesn't respond to any of the questions in the chapter with the same biting contempt with which they ask. Instead, as this last question so clearly demonstrates, the answer he gives is LOVE.
To all my friends reading this post, whether you be Mormon, Muslim, straight, gay, atheist, male, female, black, white, tall, short, persecutor, persecuted, informed, ignorant, or anything else: We've all experienced hate born out of misunderstanding. We cannot fight ignorance with hate, nor hate with ignorance--for they are inseparable bed-fellow vices. We must respond instead with understanding and love. It worked for Christ; as verse 46 of the same chapter details, that as a result of his even-tempered and loving response, "no man did from that day forth ask him any more questions." Respond with love and the armies of hate will eventually give up. In the mean time, keep moving forward and don't listen to the mean things others say. No matter what others say about you, I love you and will always be your friend and someone you can talk to (email me at anothergaymormon@gmail.com). Hang in there! As a series of popular ads you are likely familiar with says, truly "It gets better."
Well, this may have been my first post on this subject specifically, but I can guarantee it won't be my last. Meanwhile, do you see any hate or ignorance around you that you'd like to combat? Feel free to pass this post along to others to help encourage understanding and love. Or better yet, add your own voice to the conversation! Be willing to stand up for love and help share this higher philosophy with the world.
My best,
Obadiah
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)