Do you remember that time I totally had that major crush on that guy I nicknamed "Methuselah" here on the blog and had a series of posts related to him? Well, I'm gonna need to conjure up another pseudonym for another person in my story. Let's call him "Habakkuk." Like Methuselah, Habakkuk is another man I liked, and this time I really fell pretty deeply in love with him a couple months ago. As with my telling of the Methuselah saga, it is easier for me to write about the feelings and experiences a few months after the fact so as to give proper time to digest and process each experience fully (it's also harder to share when things are so fresh in the mind). My story with Habakkuk is a bit more complicated than my Methuselah story because unlike Methuselah, Habakkuk is another SSA guy like me.
I knew I was physically attracted to him, obviously, the first time I saw him. I still am and probably always will be. But that's nothing new. I've dealt with that before. However, once I got to know him I soon discovered how well I connected with him in pretty much every possible way--socially, spiritually, emotionally, etc. It didn't take long for that initial physical attraction to blossom into something much deeper. Part of me soon wanted very much to be in a relationship with him. And those feelings started me on an intense journey of self-discovery which would ultimately transform my relationship with God.
I knew all along that I needed to tread carefully since he was also SSA and seemed to be connecting with me almost as much as I was with him. Luckily for me, he wasn't as attracted to me which I'm sure helped things a lot. I actually don't feel much of a need nor a desire to lay out the details of how our friendship grew. I think I'll just skip ahead to a critical conversation I had with God.
We had just had a very emotional night, discussing the feelings we'd had and I confessed to him that I'd fallen in love with him and was so sorry. We talked about needing to have some space for a little while. It was a very painful discussion that I didn't take very well, breaking into tears several times. I knew what the right thing to do was and was doing it. We hadn't done anything wrong, and in fact were each showing great courage in that moment doing what was right. Things have gone much better since that night and I'm happy to report that my relationship with Habakkuk has been one of the healthiest, most meaningful friendships I've ever had. But later that night I had a discussion with God that changed my life.
Have you ever been angry at God? It is a strange experience. When we are angry with God, we are still expressing faith that He exists, and yet we aren't expressing much support of what He does. It feels wretched and shameful, yet self-sustainably indignant at the same time. I haven't felt that way very many times in my life (this might be the only time logged in my memory in fact!). But that night amidst the many confusing and conflicting emotions I felt, I did in fact feel a very genuine anger towards God. I've had too many experiences confirming my faith to me to doubt His reality, but my desires for Habakkuk made me angry at Him that night. For a moment it simply didn't seem fair that the gospel forbade me to have a relationship with someone I'd fallen in love with. Whenever I feel shame, my typical first reaction is to run from God. Not so with this anger: I got on my knees and confronted God in prayer.
On my knees, sobbing, I asked God why I couldn't be with this man. Why can't I date, marry, and build a life with him? Even in my indignation, God answered. He answered swiftly, softly, and directly. The thought came to my heart and mind almost immediately: "Well, you CAN build a relationship with him IF you love him more than you love Me." It was a very gentle response. Disarmingly gentle. He even filled me with an understanding that I could be very happy temporally in a relationship like that, but that I would always KNOW that I'd done so at great cost. There are many paths to happiness in THIS life, but if I chose that one it would be at the forfeiture of a celestial glory and I would make that choice knowing full well of that consequence.
I love the writings of John the Beloved. He is one of the most profound writers in all of the scriptures, and his extensive writings on love in his first general epistle have long been among my favorite scriptures. However, there was always one verse that I never understood, and which in fact troubled me quite deeply until this experience. In 1st John 4:19 we read:
"We love him, because he first loved us."
It is a short thought wedged between two other verses which are each among my favorites and which have never confused me in the least. But this one was certainly a conundrum. It always seemed like a very silly reason to love God. I guess I was always reading it as meaning we loved him out of some sense of debt because He loved us first so we owed it to Him or something. And that didn't sit well with me. But now there I was, angry at God and met with a feeling of calmness and love in return to my indignation. He gave me a pure love that opened my understanding and I couldn't help but feel a desire to return it. I suddenly realized that His ability to love us first despite our weakness and imperfection is WHY He is worth loving so much and that the love He sends first is often the conduit to a transforming power enabling us to truly love Him deeper. The love He first sends us inspires us to love Him in return. It is an unconditional love, and therefore bears no gravity of debt demanding repayment. He made it very clear that He didn't require me to love Him and that if I chose to love Habakkuk more that was entirely up to me. And yet that love itself changed me deep down. How could I NOT love Him more? I learned that day that I loved Him because of the love He had first for me.
I should add also that my story here doesn't account for the fact that Habakkuk would have also had to have loved me more than he loved God in order for us to have ever had a relationship. And I knew him well enough to know how much love he has for God and that even if I DID love him more than I loved God, he would never feel that same way. (That is one reason I've felt so safe with him.) I do still love him very deeply, but I love God more, and that love for God has transformed the love I have for my fellow SSA brother into something purer and better. I love him even deeper now than I did then, but in a holier way. Perhaps that's why the Great Commandments--to love God and to love our fellow men--are ordered in the way they are. When we love God first, it enables us to love others more purely than we ever could if we placed them ahead of God.
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Prone to Wander (JS-H 1:28-29)
I want to share with you tonight 2 of the most tender verses I've ever read. They are among my all-time favorites and actually come from Joseph Smith--History in the Pearl of Great Price. I'm not kidding when I say that in my scriptures these 2 verses of his history have more markings and annotations than his First Vision account in verses 15-20 do. That isn't because I don't treasure his First Vision! I simply find that these two verses deeply speak to me and help me not feel so bad about myself sometimes.
They are really long, but so meaningful with many lessons in them, so here goes:
28 During the space of time which intervened between the time I had the vision and the year eighteen hundred and twenty-three--having been forbidden to join any of the religious sects of the day, and being of very tender years, and persecuted by those who ought to have been my friends and to have treated me kindly, and if they supposed me to be deluded to have endeavored in a proper and affectionate manner to have reclaimed me--I was left to all kinds of temptations; and, mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors, and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God. In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great or malignant sins. A disposition to commit such was never in my nature. But I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained by one who was called of God as I had been. But this will not seem very strange to any one who recollects my youth, and is acquainted with my native cheery temperament.
29 In consequence of these things, I often felt condemned for my weakness and imperfections; when, on the evening of the above-mentioned twenty-first of September, after I had retired to my bed for the night, I betook myself to prayer and supplication to Almighty God for forgiveness of all my sins and follies, and also for a manifestation to me, that I might know of my state and standing before him; for I had full confidence in obtaining a divine manifestation, as I previously had one.
So, I've been keeping this blog up, and actually facing my same-sex attraction head-on for the first time ever, for three months now. It has been incredibly therapeutic and I've been overwhelmed at the flood of positive response and connections I've made. But I've also learned some really crucial lessons in that time, and many of them are represented in those two verses above. Here are some key lessons I've learned my first three months:
1. Like Joseph, sometimes we are "persecuted by those who ought to have been [our] friends." Sometimes you will "out" yourself to someone, and they will not respond positively. (Go back and read my first "outing" experience here if you don't believe me!) Not everyone in the Church has learned to handle this topic very well yet. Many are getting better. But many still have a long way to go. I've had a lot more positive experiences since that first one and my closest "straight" friends, my bishop, my parents, and my brother all now know about me. Don't feel down when those who ought to be your friends persecute you. Just like you, they are still progressing on their own spiritual journeys and have lessons to learn.
2. Don't get offended if some try to "endeavor in a proper and affectionate manner to reclaim" you. This is related to the first lesson. Some will persecute you, which is a shame. Others may try to offer you advice, not even having the slightest clue what you are going through, ignorant of how counterproductive some of their advice could potentially be. The gut reaction is to get angry at them in that instant. Resist! Take a deep breath and remember that if they are persecuting you, they probably love you and their advice is a rather tender manifestation of their love for you. They want to help you. Of course, if they genuinely are giving you bad advice, you don't need to take it. But neither do you need to shun them. Be grateful that they care. Joseph didn't really encounter people like this, but wished he had, even though their advice to reclaim him from what was actually right would have been purely erroneous! It should simply serve as a positive contrast to those who persecute.
3. As human beings, we are, as the Hymn "Come Thou Fount" reminds us, truly "prone to wander." And truly did I feel that this week--that I am prone to leave the God I love. Joseph expresses this in the middle of verse 28. In fact, it's so good, I'm going to print it again. He says:
"I was left to all kinds of temptations; and, mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors, and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God. In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great or malignant sins."
One great warning I've come to be aware of is to beware of who you mingle with. There are great support groups out there through Evergreen, NorthStar, LDS 12-step programs, etc. BUT, no matter how good the organization is as a whole, it is important to be cautious! Most of the people in these groups are well-meaning like you, but some are less pure in their intents. And even two well-meaning SSA LDS guys can soon find themselves in a heap of trouble if they don't exercise caution because the natural man in each one of us makes us particularly prone to wander! Furthermore, I've come to understand that just as important as cautiously avoiding poor company is surrounding yourself with good company that lifts you up. In the past few weeks I've come to see myself come very close to crossing forbidden lines when I was not cautious, but saw myself pulled up and recovered and spiritually fed by other guys, both SSA and OSA, who are stalwart and looking out for me. Those friendships have been so valuable to me!
4. To feel self-loathing is NATURAL, but it is also not good. It is really reassuring to me to know that Joseph Smith himself sometimes felt "condemned for [his] weaknesses and imperfections." I've discussed shame versus godly sorrow in other posts, but a slight review may be helpful here. Shame is an unnecessary feeling of condemnation for who you are that tears you down and tells you you are stuck. Godly sorrow generally focuses on what we've DONE instead, and then motivates us to change who we ARE for the better. Shame tries to perpetuate itself, while Godly Sorrow is always intended to be temporary. One of the worst tricks shame uses to get us to help if perpetuate, is to make us feel guilty about our feelings of shame! If we recognize that we are doing good and that the shame we feel is unfounded, we can get discouraged even further for feeling the shame at all! It seems to me the best way to fight that trap is to bear in mind that sometimes depressing feelings of shame are another natural man symptom that we are working on. It may not be entirely in your control to cast the shame out! It may require help--in fact it will almost certainly require help and healing from God. But don't tell yourself all is lost--other great men before you have felt similarly.
5. God is always willing to give that help and to manifest Himself to us when we ask. This was Joseph's beautiful solution. He prays for forgiveness (which Godly Sorrow will always prompt us to do anyway) and for a manifestation of God. He was hoping very specifically for another vision. That doesn't need to be your prayer though. A manifestation of God is simply a moving of His hand in your life, and that can come in many forms. If you think of the moments that have most strongly built your testimony, I think you'll recognize God's hand in those moments. Pray to Him, and I promise that in some way that will be clear and discernible to you, you will see Him manifest Himself. It may not come immediately; in fact, I've written before how sometimes our prayers seem hollow and unanswered and we are left to feel Forsaken. But in that same earlier post I also pointed out how God's temporary withdrawal can itself be the sign that He is there.
You've made mistakes. Don't beat yourself up. You're human. Trust God, and He will help you improve and get you through what you are going through.
My best,
Obadiah
They are really long, but so meaningful with many lessons in them, so here goes:
28 During the space of time which intervened between the time I had the vision and the year eighteen hundred and twenty-three--having been forbidden to join any of the religious sects of the day, and being of very tender years, and persecuted by those who ought to have been my friends and to have treated me kindly, and if they supposed me to be deluded to have endeavored in a proper and affectionate manner to have reclaimed me--I was left to all kinds of temptations; and, mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors, and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God. In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great or malignant sins. A disposition to commit such was never in my nature. But I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained by one who was called of God as I had been. But this will not seem very strange to any one who recollects my youth, and is acquainted with my native cheery temperament.
29 In consequence of these things, I often felt condemned for my weakness and imperfections; when, on the evening of the above-mentioned twenty-first of September, after I had retired to my bed for the night, I betook myself to prayer and supplication to Almighty God for forgiveness of all my sins and follies, and also for a manifestation to me, that I might know of my state and standing before him; for I had full confidence in obtaining a divine manifestation, as I previously had one.
So, I've been keeping this blog up, and actually facing my same-sex attraction head-on for the first time ever, for three months now. It has been incredibly therapeutic and I've been overwhelmed at the flood of positive response and connections I've made. But I've also learned some really crucial lessons in that time, and many of them are represented in those two verses above. Here are some key lessons I've learned my first three months:
1. Like Joseph, sometimes we are "persecuted by those who ought to have been [our] friends." Sometimes you will "out" yourself to someone, and they will not respond positively. (Go back and read my first "outing" experience here if you don't believe me!) Not everyone in the Church has learned to handle this topic very well yet. Many are getting better. But many still have a long way to go. I've had a lot more positive experiences since that first one and my closest "straight" friends, my bishop, my parents, and my brother all now know about me. Don't feel down when those who ought to be your friends persecute you. Just like you, they are still progressing on their own spiritual journeys and have lessons to learn.
2. Don't get offended if some try to "endeavor in a proper and affectionate manner to reclaim" you. This is related to the first lesson. Some will persecute you, which is a shame. Others may try to offer you advice, not even having the slightest clue what you are going through, ignorant of how counterproductive some of their advice could potentially be. The gut reaction is to get angry at them in that instant. Resist! Take a deep breath and remember that if they are persecuting you, they probably love you and their advice is a rather tender manifestation of their love for you. They want to help you. Of course, if they genuinely are giving you bad advice, you don't need to take it. But neither do you need to shun them. Be grateful that they care. Joseph didn't really encounter people like this, but wished he had, even though their advice to reclaim him from what was actually right would have been purely erroneous! It should simply serve as a positive contrast to those who persecute.
3. As human beings, we are, as the Hymn "Come Thou Fount" reminds us, truly "prone to wander." And truly did I feel that this week--that I am prone to leave the God I love. Joseph expresses this in the middle of verse 28. In fact, it's so good, I'm going to print it again. He says:
"I was left to all kinds of temptations; and, mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors, and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God. In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great or malignant sins."
One great warning I've come to be aware of is to beware of who you mingle with. There are great support groups out there through Evergreen, NorthStar, LDS 12-step programs, etc. BUT, no matter how good the organization is as a whole, it is important to be cautious! Most of the people in these groups are well-meaning like you, but some are less pure in their intents. And even two well-meaning SSA LDS guys can soon find themselves in a heap of trouble if they don't exercise caution because the natural man in each one of us makes us particularly prone to wander! Furthermore, I've come to understand that just as important as cautiously avoiding poor company is surrounding yourself with good company that lifts you up. In the past few weeks I've come to see myself come very close to crossing forbidden lines when I was not cautious, but saw myself pulled up and recovered and spiritually fed by other guys, both SSA and OSA, who are stalwart and looking out for me. Those friendships have been so valuable to me!
4. To feel self-loathing is NATURAL, but it is also not good. It is really reassuring to me to know that Joseph Smith himself sometimes felt "condemned for [his] weaknesses and imperfections." I've discussed shame versus godly sorrow in other posts, but a slight review may be helpful here. Shame is an unnecessary feeling of condemnation for who you are that tears you down and tells you you are stuck. Godly sorrow generally focuses on what we've DONE instead, and then motivates us to change who we ARE for the better. Shame tries to perpetuate itself, while Godly Sorrow is always intended to be temporary. One of the worst tricks shame uses to get us to help if perpetuate, is to make us feel guilty about our feelings of shame! If we recognize that we are doing good and that the shame we feel is unfounded, we can get discouraged even further for feeling the shame at all! It seems to me the best way to fight that trap is to bear in mind that sometimes depressing feelings of shame are another natural man symptom that we are working on. It may not be entirely in your control to cast the shame out! It may require help--in fact it will almost certainly require help and healing from God. But don't tell yourself all is lost--other great men before you have felt similarly.
5. God is always willing to give that help and to manifest Himself to us when we ask. This was Joseph's beautiful solution. He prays for forgiveness (which Godly Sorrow will always prompt us to do anyway) and for a manifestation of God. He was hoping very specifically for another vision. That doesn't need to be your prayer though. A manifestation of God is simply a moving of His hand in your life, and that can come in many forms. If you think of the moments that have most strongly built your testimony, I think you'll recognize God's hand in those moments. Pray to Him, and I promise that in some way that will be clear and discernible to you, you will see Him manifest Himself. It may not come immediately; in fact, I've written before how sometimes our prayers seem hollow and unanswered and we are left to feel Forsaken. But in that same earlier post I also pointed out how God's temporary withdrawal can itself be the sign that He is there.
You've made mistakes. Don't beat yourself up. You're human. Trust God, and He will help you improve and get you through what you are going through.
My best,
Obadiah
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Prayer (Hymn 140)
In ancient days, the Jews generally regarded the psalms to be "lesser scripture," but scripture nonetheless. I think this is how I feel sometimes about our hymns. I sometimes learn profound things from them, as much as I sometimes do studying the scriptures. And so, as you can tell from my title, I've chosen to base my remarks tonight around a hymn rather than a scripture passage. The hymn is one you probably know, but which has really sunk into my mind lately. It's number 140: "Did You Think to Pray?"
The first verse says:
Ere you left your room this morning, Did you think to pray?
In the name of Christ, our Savior, Did you sue for loving favor As a shield today?
The first line is the least profound of the entire hymn, but there is still more to it than initially meets the eye. At first, it seems to merely suggest the duty of prayer--that prayer is something we are required to do with regularity. But then comes the second line, which unlocks the true intent of the first. The first line isn't there to rebuke us if we didn't pray, but to encourage us. It's not about guilt-tripping, but rather gladly inviting us to reap the rich benefits of prayer. The real sadness in not praying to begin the day is not that you didn't fulfill an obligation, but rather that you didn't reap an important blessing of heavenly protection. You hurt yourself far more than you could ever hurt God if you don't pray.
One thing I especially love about this hymn, is that it never asks, "Did you think to say your prayers?" Rather, it specifically enjoins PRAYING, which altogether a different matter than merely "saying prayers." This is one of the most important distinctions I've learned in my life. "Saying prayers" means to go through the motions and say prayer-like words addressed to God. Often repetitious. Praying, on the other hand, is a divine 2-way conversation. Prayer often transcends the pattern we learned in primary of addressing--thanking--asking--closing. That is a nice paradigm to teach children with, but eventually we must move beyond it. In fact, perhaps the most important part of effective prayer is LISTENING. Eventually, prayers start including basic conversation about how your day was and discussing the things in your life with the Creator. I've loved learning to stop praying FOR things (whether that means merely "thanking FOR" or "asking FOR") and rather praying ABOUT them instead. After all, our gratitude gains more meaning if we discuss WHY we are grateful for each blessing. And our petitions are improved when we first consult the Lord to see if we are even praying for the right thing in the first place! Just remember, when you pray, that He is listening and often willing to respond. Let Him. (That said, I have to add a brief reminder: God's voice, typically via the Spirit, coming in response strongly when you pray is a thing that waxes and wanes. Sometimes you'll feel it, other times you won't and that is NOT necessarily indicative of your worthiness! Don't condemn yourself just because He is sometimes silent. In fact, I've already written a whole post on that subject previously, called "Forsaken.")
Anyway, the next verse of the hymn goes:
When your heart was filled with anger, Did you think to pray?
Did you plead for grace, my brother, That you might forgive another Who had crossed your way?
Okay, I've sung this verse my entire life in countless sacrament services. But never until today did the full depth of it register with me. This is a profound message that could actually bring about World Peace if everybody followed its advice. We all will be angered by the actions of others at one time or another. And when that anger comes, this song recognizes our need for GRACE. At first it seems that the grace is needed to forgive us of the anger. That's probably true; we SHOULD pray for/about that. But the grace is for so much more than that. Grace transforms us into better people. As the song here suggests, we plead for the grace so that we can be filled with a more forgiving spirit. I've had some important prayers lately like this: asking God to help me become better. I have to put forth my efforts to improve, of course, but the grace steps in and enables the changes and allows me to make changes I couldn't on my own. We're currently working together on targeting selfishness. Still a work in progress, but I've felt the grace in action today. (By the way, in my post a few days ago I promised a follow-up to my earlier post on Grace. That is still in the works and coming soon.)
Here's a challenge for you: You will feel hurt or angry some day soon. Maybe someone is making gay jokes again. Or mocking your religious beliefs. Maybe they've done something dishonest. Maybe they dropped something heavy on your head--by accident or intention! I don't know why you are going to have bad feelings for another person, but you will. When that moment comes, PRAY. Remember that Christ taught in the sermon on the mount that you should "pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). This is great advice. I learned a while back that you can't sincerely pray for someone while hating them. To actually face your God and ask for good things for an individual basically grows love in your heart. You will immediately begin reconciling yourself with your enemies by praying for them sincerely, and for their happiness. But don't just pray for them; as the song recommends, pray for YOURSELF to become a better person through grace, for that will truly be even more key to resolving the dispute.
Okay, final verse:
When sore trials came upon you, Did you think to pray?
When your soul was full of sorrow, Balm of Gilead did you borrow At the gates of day?
While the first verse mentioned praying at specific times, such as when we rise, these latter two aren't as time-bound. The best time to pray about a trial is when it hits. You don't need to wait until that evening! Isn't that great? God's status is always set to "available." As with anger, sore trials are also just a guaranteed part of life. And hopefully they drive us pray. Don't foolishly try to face trials without God's grace! Balm of Gilead was ancient medicine. It was an aromatic plant that helped heal wounds and grew abundantly in Gilead. It was probably one of the most important medical discoveries of ancient times, as it was able to not only speed healing, but also kept infection at bay. Our wounds, both physical and spiritual, can be dressed with healing salve that is abundant and available for us through prayer.
I'll end this post with the hymn's straightforward but profound chorus, which speaks for itself:
Oh, how praying rests the weary! Prayer will change the night to day.
So, when life gets dark and dreary, Don't forget to pray.
My best,
Obadiah
The first verse says:
Ere you left your room this morning, Did you think to pray?
In the name of Christ, our Savior, Did you sue for loving favor As a shield today?
The first line is the least profound of the entire hymn, but there is still more to it than initially meets the eye. At first, it seems to merely suggest the duty of prayer--that prayer is something we are required to do with regularity. But then comes the second line, which unlocks the true intent of the first. The first line isn't there to rebuke us if we didn't pray, but to encourage us. It's not about guilt-tripping, but rather gladly inviting us to reap the rich benefits of prayer. The real sadness in not praying to begin the day is not that you didn't fulfill an obligation, but rather that you didn't reap an important blessing of heavenly protection. You hurt yourself far more than you could ever hurt God if you don't pray.
One thing I especially love about this hymn, is that it never asks, "Did you think to say your prayers?" Rather, it specifically enjoins PRAYING, which altogether a different matter than merely "saying prayers." This is one of the most important distinctions I've learned in my life. "Saying prayers" means to go through the motions and say prayer-like words addressed to God. Often repetitious. Praying, on the other hand, is a divine 2-way conversation. Prayer often transcends the pattern we learned in primary of addressing--thanking--asking--closing. That is a nice paradigm to teach children with, but eventually we must move beyond it. In fact, perhaps the most important part of effective prayer is LISTENING. Eventually, prayers start including basic conversation about how your day was and discussing the things in your life with the Creator. I've loved learning to stop praying FOR things (whether that means merely "thanking FOR" or "asking FOR") and rather praying ABOUT them instead. After all, our gratitude gains more meaning if we discuss WHY we are grateful for each blessing. And our petitions are improved when we first consult the Lord to see if we are even praying for the right thing in the first place! Just remember, when you pray, that He is listening and often willing to respond. Let Him. (That said, I have to add a brief reminder: God's voice, typically via the Spirit, coming in response strongly when you pray is a thing that waxes and wanes. Sometimes you'll feel it, other times you won't and that is NOT necessarily indicative of your worthiness! Don't condemn yourself just because He is sometimes silent. In fact, I've already written a whole post on that subject previously, called "Forsaken.")
Anyway, the next verse of the hymn goes:
When your heart was filled with anger, Did you think to pray?
Did you plead for grace, my brother, That you might forgive another Who had crossed your way?
Okay, I've sung this verse my entire life in countless sacrament services. But never until today did the full depth of it register with me. This is a profound message that could actually bring about World Peace if everybody followed its advice. We all will be angered by the actions of others at one time or another. And when that anger comes, this song recognizes our need for GRACE. At first it seems that the grace is needed to forgive us of the anger. That's probably true; we SHOULD pray for/about that. But the grace is for so much more than that. Grace transforms us into better people. As the song here suggests, we plead for the grace so that we can be filled with a more forgiving spirit. I've had some important prayers lately like this: asking God to help me become better. I have to put forth my efforts to improve, of course, but the grace steps in and enables the changes and allows me to make changes I couldn't on my own. We're currently working together on targeting selfishness. Still a work in progress, but I've felt the grace in action today. (By the way, in my post a few days ago I promised a follow-up to my earlier post on Grace. That is still in the works and coming soon.)
Here's a challenge for you: You will feel hurt or angry some day soon. Maybe someone is making gay jokes again. Or mocking your religious beliefs. Maybe they've done something dishonest. Maybe they dropped something heavy on your head--by accident or intention! I don't know why you are going to have bad feelings for another person, but you will. When that moment comes, PRAY. Remember that Christ taught in the sermon on the mount that you should "pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). This is great advice. I learned a while back that you can't sincerely pray for someone while hating them. To actually face your God and ask for good things for an individual basically grows love in your heart. You will immediately begin reconciling yourself with your enemies by praying for them sincerely, and for their happiness. But don't just pray for them; as the song recommends, pray for YOURSELF to become a better person through grace, for that will truly be even more key to resolving the dispute.
Okay, final verse:
When sore trials came upon you, Did you think to pray?
When your soul was full of sorrow, Balm of Gilead did you borrow At the gates of day?
While the first verse mentioned praying at specific times, such as when we rise, these latter two aren't as time-bound. The best time to pray about a trial is when it hits. You don't need to wait until that evening! Isn't that great? God's status is always set to "available." As with anger, sore trials are also just a guaranteed part of life. And hopefully they drive us pray. Don't foolishly try to face trials without God's grace! Balm of Gilead was ancient medicine. It was an aromatic plant that helped heal wounds and grew abundantly in Gilead. It was probably one of the most important medical discoveries of ancient times, as it was able to not only speed healing, but also kept infection at bay. Our wounds, both physical and spiritual, can be dressed with healing salve that is abundant and available for us through prayer.
I'll end this post with the hymn's straightforward but profound chorus, which speaks for itself:
Oh, how praying rests the weary! Prayer will change the night to day.
So, when life gets dark and dreary, Don't forget to pray.
My best,
Obadiah
Monday, December 12, 2011
Verse-by-verse: James 1
Up to this point in my blog, I've based (at least loosely) each post around a small passage from the scriptures that I feel provides pivotal insight into key dimensions of my dichotomous psyche. Sometimes, however, a small passage is not enough. In my personal scripture study I sometimes come across larger chunks including entire chapters that build thematically around messages I really need at the time. So, today will be my first attempt to build a post around an extended passage, in this case the first chapter of the epistle of James. Hopefully this “verse-by-verse” approach will become a recurring feature here on the blog, because I already can think of a few other very profound chapters I’d love to showcase in the future. J It seems that occasionally approaching posts this way will give me the chance to let my true scripture-nerd side out a bit. And if this just isn’t your thing, don’t worry. Most posts will be more like my previous ones. But just humor me for a bit as I invite you to explore James 1 with me…
Background: James was the younger brother of Jesus Christ, the next-eldest in the family after Jesus (see Matt. 13:55). He was trained to be a Rabbi and was a devout scholar of the Torah. It seems that he actually did NOT accept the teachings of his important older brother during Christ’s mortal life. Nonetheless, Christ knew that he was a chosen vessel and appeared to him after his resurrection (see 1 Cor. 15:7) to help him realize the truth. From thereon out, he becomes one of the most important Church leaders in Jerusalem, serving there as the Bishop of the congregation there until his eventual call to the 12 (see Galatians 1:19). He served faithfully as an apostle until his martyrdom at the hands of the Sanhedrin in 61 AD. His life was an example of faithfulness through the humility to accept that you were wrong, and then spend your whole life working for what’s right from thereon out. (For fantastic insight on James, I highly recommend Dr. Richard Draper’s The Ministry of the Apostles [2010, BYU Academic Press], pages 46-47)
Chapter One:
1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting.
2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3 Knowing this, that they trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
Commentary: How to be a faithful gay Mormon—Step One: Experience temptations, and learn to be happy BECAUSE of them, not just DESPITE them. Note that “fall into” from verse two is from the Greek peripipto, meaning to be encompassed by, not to give into. Thus we aren’t being counseled here to be happy when we sin, but merely when we are surrounded by temptation (implicitly WITHOUT giving in). Once we realize that God has a purpose and knows what He’s doing, we can look at trials joyfully, knowing that they lead us to become like Him. And that’s a pretty happy ending!
Step Two: Learn patience. This is really the name of the game, isn’t it? My fellow faithful gay Mormons and I are continually waiting for the day that blessing of a happy marriage to a daughter of God will be fulfilled. But as verse four counsels, we also have to be patient while waiting to develop patience! We have to stand back and let our patience grow.
The mind blowing part: Verse three brilliantly connects these two ideas. Being gay Mormons, we know we have to experience unique temptations, and we know we need patience. James is telling us here that the first one HELPS the second! God knows we must have patience, so He sent us trials in order to work that patience in us, and THAT is why the trials should make us happy! Once the patience grows we can eventually be made perfect. I like that it says we will be made to be “wanting nothing.” I believe that the reason we won’t want anything, is because those wants have been fulfilled once we’ve qualified ourselves through patience. I’ll no longer be wanting a wife, because I’ll have found her because my patience was made perfect enough to be deserving of and ready to receive the blessing.
Moving on…
5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Commentary:
Step Three: Learn to pray—no, not just “say prayers”—PRAY! Prayer was always meant to be a conversation WITH, not a dictation TO the Creator. You’ll never begin to understand your place in the Plan and the promises still extended to you unless you discuss your feelings with your Father in Heaven. He is willing and ready to talk about your attractions to the same gender with you! I dare you to give it a try.
This clump of verses contains a Mormon favorite, though considered all together they also can be discouraging and problematic at a first glance. How do we make our prayers “unwavering” as the verses ask? Does that mean we need to have a perfect knowledge of God to be able to get anything from Him? Well that doesn’t make any sense, because I can’t think of any scriptural instances of those who had perfect knowledge of Him who didn’t have to ask in order to obtain it in the first place! Then what does it mean to not waver when we ask? It means we have to actually desire the wisdom we are petitioning for. If we pray to God for an answer to a question, but deep down we really don’t want to know the answer, or won’t accept certain answers we wouldn’t like, then we can’t expect the Lord to give us that wisdom yet. We have become “double minded” men and women who can’t make up their mind what they want, and therefore are like waves of the sea, very easily moved about by other forces in many directions. We are thus to unstable to receive from God any measures of His Word, for they require a sure foundation.
So, at least as I read it, to not waver when we ask we have to be sure of our desire to learn from God. We don’t have to have a perfect knowledge of Him or a deep understanding of every aspect of the gospel. Indeed, if we did there would be little reason for us to be petitioning for wisdom in the first place! But, what do we do when we know our desires our divided and we’ve become “double minded,” wanting wisdom from God but telling Him also we don’t want an answer that tells us we can’t pursue that man romantically? I suggest first desiring correct desires! J You may recognize that your mixed desires may be hindering your capacity for inspiration, but recognizing that, you can at least plant and develop a desire for correct desires first! As my first post mentioned, “God hath… given us the spirit of… love, and of power, and of a SOUND MIND” (2 Timothy 1:7). In other words, if a “double mind” is preventing you from receiving inspiration, God is more than willing to first give you a SOUND one so that you can align your will with His and thus truly communicate (see the BD definition of prayer).
(Notice that this passage doesn’t talk about petitioning the Lord for physical blessings, but rather just about WISDOM—that is, an increased understanding. We shouldn’t assume that if we ask with unwavering faith for a sports car that He’ll give it to us.)
9 Let the brother of low degree rejoice in that he is exalted:
10 But the rich, in that he is made low: because as the flower of the grass he shall pass away.
11 For the sun is no sooner risen with burning heat, but it withereth the grass, and the flower thereof falleth, and the grace of the fashion of it perisheth: so also shall the rich man fade away in his ways.
Commentary:
These are beautiful and poetic verses, but I’m a little less-than-satisfied with the clarity of the King James Version on these ones. I would personally at least retranslate the clause “and the grace of the fashion of it perisheth” as “and the beauty of its appearance disappears.”
Verse nine naturally makes sense to us: to rejoice when we are rewarded for our humility. But verses 10 and 11 hearken back to those first few verses where we were also told to rejoice in something that seems negative. The rich are told to rejoice in being made low. They are reminded that all the physical things of this world—their riches, their beauty, their looks, and everything else will all be lost… and they’re supposed to be happy about it! I guess since I am definitely not a rich person, I haven’t completely had the insight perhaps I need to truly understand these verses. Nonetheless, I do find some reassurance in the thought that the physical is temporary. My insomnia, my ADD, and SSA—all of them pertain only to this life. Like flowers, they will fade and die when I do, and my resurrected self will be without those things.
12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14 But every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
Commentary:
That theme of resisting temptation and the blessings for doing so is reiterated in verse 12, and then he explains some interesting and important truths about the nature of temptation itself. First, he tells us that God doesn’t send temptation! This is an important caveat to his other statements in the chapter, because he has told us to be grateful for temptation; this could lead us to think that temptation comes from God. Yet, God merely ALLOWS us to experience temptations—He doesn’t personally send them! We tend to attribute temptations to the devil, but interestingly enough James doesn’t do that here. I’ve heard it said that we give Satan way too much credit. Certainly he is capable of sending temptations, but we definitely don’t need a devil to tell us to do something wrong to make an incorrect choice. Our own imperfect natural-man-tendencies are enough to present temptation. When Satan DOES tempt us, I imagine he typically is only able to draw on those inherent to us rather than conjuring up new ones altogether.
This makes perfect sense. I have a body that is full of hormones and receptors that naturally drive me instinctually towards sexual stimulation. So do you. That is actually important and we SHOULD experience those feelings if we are healthy and those systems are working properly. However, not every impulse towards a sexual prelude should be acted upon! In fact, the large majority mustn’t be. This is true regardless of whom you are attracted to. Thus our own natural man creates its own temptations, regardless of whether or not the devil intervenes. There is no sin in experiencing that. But, James continues with a warning regarding acting out on those feelings…
15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
16 Do not err, my beloved brethren.
Commentary:
God doesn’t hold us guilty for the temptations we experience, but He does judge the choices we make. James points out that we have to watch ourselves carefully, because temptations unchecked DO tend to lead to sinful actions, and sin ultimately leads to spiritual death. Thus his succinct advice: “Do not err, my beloved brethren.”
17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
18 Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
Commentary:
Contrasting what God DOESN’T give us according to verse 13 (temptation), James now discusses what God DOES give us. He gives us some gifts that are “good” and others that are “perfect.” Some of the GOOD gifts he gives us include… each other! As verse 18 points out, WE are among the gifts He sends to earth. We are gifts to each other, for none of us can really make it on our own. Before a week and a half ago, I had never shared my burden with anybody. Now I’ve told several people, and have been incredibly blessed for doing so! I still don’t ever intend to tell the vast majority of people who know me about my same-sex attraction, but having a few close and loving individuals know is a actually a huge relief—more than I ever could have believed it would be.
Verse 18 also mentions one of God’s PERFECT gifts: the “word of truth.” This refers not only to the scriptures and words of living prophets, nor only to the words He gives us through personal revelation; it is also representative of His perfect son, Jesus Christ (see the first chapter of St. John).
As for the “firstfruits of his creatures” bit—um, I don’t know. I have some guesses about that, but would love any insight from my readers! :D
19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
Commentary:
How to be a faithful gay Mormon—Step Four: grow a thick skin! Being gay, you need to be ready to be persecuted. Being Mormon, you also need to be ready to be persecuted. Being gay AND Mormon, well, buckle yer’ seatbelts, folks! It’s gonna be a rough ride! Unfortunately, the crowds that share these two attributes with me often persecute each other the most. Thus, I’m all-too-often surrounded by the Mormons I know demeaning those who are gay and those I know who are gay trashing the Church. It can be easy to get offended on both fronts, but doing so never helps anyone!
I think these verses from James may be two of the wisest I have ever read. I especially like that he tells us to be “swift to hear.” We must be willing to listen to others, even with different points of view. Being a good listener is often key to effectively serving our brothers and sisters. We may not even agree with everything they say, but often if we listen with an open mind and open heart, we may learn something new including ways we may better ourselves. Either way, we will always understand them better, which will help us love them, for as I’ve said in earlier posts, understanding dispels hate.
Along with being “swift to hear,” we are admonished to be slow at speaking or becoming wrathful. While listening to others is important, it isn’t always going to be prudent for us to speak our minds to them. We should speak only in love, and follow the Spirit. The most important words we can speak are “I love you.” If correction can be given kindly, and is appropriate to give in our circumstances, then weigh your words carefully first. By all means, speaking up may be very important—if nobody ever corrected anyone else, we’d all be a lot more incorrect people! :D However, if the opportunity to correct is especially important, that’s all the more reason why we have to be careful with the delivery, so that an important message isn’t disregarded because it is given harshly. As James reminds us in verse 20, it’s pretty hard to bring about the righteousness of God via wrath.
21 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.
22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
23 For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
24 For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.
25 But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.
Commentary:
In verse 19, James encouraged us all to be hearers. Now he adds to that an admonition to be not ONLY hearers, but also doers of the good counsel we hear. I’m not completely sure I understand the mirror analogy James gives, but here’s what I think it means:
When we hear something we should do to better ourselves and don’t do it, it’s like looking at ourselves in the mirror, seeing a great defect within our power to correct, and then doing nothing about it. If we know what is right, it simply doesn’t make sense not to do it. The right thing to do won’t always be easy, but when we choose to be doers, we are “blessed in [our] deed.” I love those blessings. I live for them. I’m aware that I could be choosing to sacrifice close physical relationships for a very long time by choosing the path I have, but those blessings make it totally worth it! J
26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.
27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.
Commentary:
These two verses could easily form the basis of tons of additional posts. They raise great questions for discussion on what religion actually is, etc. We tend to use verse 26 to discuss profanity, swearing, etc. While that is a valid interpretation, I think it has more to do with what he talked about in verses 19-20. He’s saying that regardless of how good we think we are, if we can’t control the things we say—whether in vocabulary or in message—we are deceiving ourselves about our own religiousness. In fact, any time we deceive ourselves in any way, we actually diminish our religious selves. As I’ve written elsewhere, truly the truth makes us free!
More interesting than what James tells us religion ISN’T, is what he tells us it IS in the final verse of the chapter. The basis of religion is two-fold: serving others and avoiding sin. We hear many people concentrate on the first have this verse: the idea that our religiousness is based on our service to and action towards others. This certainly worth emphasizing more! However, I’ve heard people use this verse an excuse for bad action, saying that they are religious because they serve others, so their other choices don’t matter. Don’t forget the second half of the verse: stay unspotted from the world! I’m not perfect yet, but I intend to do my very best on that front.
Well, if you actually read this whole post, congratulations. You are clearly a patient person! You might need a life, though… J
Background: James was the younger brother of Jesus Christ, the next-eldest in the family after Jesus (see Matt. 13:55). He was trained to be a Rabbi and was a devout scholar of the Torah. It seems that he actually did NOT accept the teachings of his important older brother during Christ’s mortal life. Nonetheless, Christ knew that he was a chosen vessel and appeared to him after his resurrection (see 1 Cor. 15:7) to help him realize the truth. From thereon out, he becomes one of the most important Church leaders in Jerusalem, serving there as the Bishop of the congregation there until his eventual call to the 12 (see Galatians 1:19). He served faithfully as an apostle until his martyrdom at the hands of the Sanhedrin in 61 AD. His life was an example of faithfulness through the humility to accept that you were wrong, and then spend your whole life working for what’s right from thereon out. (For fantastic insight on James, I highly recommend Dr. Richard Draper’s The Ministry of the Apostles [2010, BYU Academic Press], pages 46-47)
Chapter One:
1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting.
2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3 Knowing this, that they trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
Commentary: How to be a faithful gay Mormon—Step One: Experience temptations, and learn to be happy BECAUSE of them, not just DESPITE them. Note that “fall into” from verse two is from the Greek peripipto, meaning to be encompassed by, not to give into. Thus we aren’t being counseled here to be happy when we sin, but merely when we are surrounded by temptation (implicitly WITHOUT giving in). Once we realize that God has a purpose and knows what He’s doing, we can look at trials joyfully, knowing that they lead us to become like Him. And that’s a pretty happy ending!
Step Two: Learn patience. This is really the name of the game, isn’t it? My fellow faithful gay Mormons and I are continually waiting for the day that blessing of a happy marriage to a daughter of God will be fulfilled. But as verse four counsels, we also have to be patient while waiting to develop patience! We have to stand back and let our patience grow.
The mind blowing part: Verse three brilliantly connects these two ideas. Being gay Mormons, we know we have to experience unique temptations, and we know we need patience. James is telling us here that the first one HELPS the second! God knows we must have patience, so He sent us trials in order to work that patience in us, and THAT is why the trials should make us happy! Once the patience grows we can eventually be made perfect. I like that it says we will be made to be “wanting nothing.” I believe that the reason we won’t want anything, is because those wants have been fulfilled once we’ve qualified ourselves through patience. I’ll no longer be wanting a wife, because I’ll have found her because my patience was made perfect enough to be deserving of and ready to receive the blessing.
Moving on…
5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Commentary:
Step Three: Learn to pray—no, not just “say prayers”—PRAY! Prayer was always meant to be a conversation WITH, not a dictation TO the Creator. You’ll never begin to understand your place in the Plan and the promises still extended to you unless you discuss your feelings with your Father in Heaven. He is willing and ready to talk about your attractions to the same gender with you! I dare you to give it a try.
This clump of verses contains a Mormon favorite, though considered all together they also can be discouraging and problematic at a first glance. How do we make our prayers “unwavering” as the verses ask? Does that mean we need to have a perfect knowledge of God to be able to get anything from Him? Well that doesn’t make any sense, because I can’t think of any scriptural instances of those who had perfect knowledge of Him who didn’t have to ask in order to obtain it in the first place! Then what does it mean to not waver when we ask? It means we have to actually desire the wisdom we are petitioning for. If we pray to God for an answer to a question, but deep down we really don’t want to know the answer, or won’t accept certain answers we wouldn’t like, then we can’t expect the Lord to give us that wisdom yet. We have become “double minded” men and women who can’t make up their mind what they want, and therefore are like waves of the sea, very easily moved about by other forces in many directions. We are thus to unstable to receive from God any measures of His Word, for they require a sure foundation.
So, at least as I read it, to not waver when we ask we have to be sure of our desire to learn from God. We don’t have to have a perfect knowledge of Him or a deep understanding of every aspect of the gospel. Indeed, if we did there would be little reason for us to be petitioning for wisdom in the first place! But, what do we do when we know our desires our divided and we’ve become “double minded,” wanting wisdom from God but telling Him also we don’t want an answer that tells us we can’t pursue that man romantically? I suggest first desiring correct desires! J You may recognize that your mixed desires may be hindering your capacity for inspiration, but recognizing that, you can at least plant and develop a desire for correct desires first! As my first post mentioned, “God hath… given us the spirit of… love, and of power, and of a SOUND MIND” (2 Timothy 1:7). In other words, if a “double mind” is preventing you from receiving inspiration, God is more than willing to first give you a SOUND one so that you can align your will with His and thus truly communicate (see the BD definition of prayer).
(Notice that this passage doesn’t talk about petitioning the Lord for physical blessings, but rather just about WISDOM—that is, an increased understanding. We shouldn’t assume that if we ask with unwavering faith for a sports car that He’ll give it to us.)
9 Let the brother of low degree rejoice in that he is exalted:
10 But the rich, in that he is made low: because as the flower of the grass he shall pass away.
11 For the sun is no sooner risen with burning heat, but it withereth the grass, and the flower thereof falleth, and the grace of the fashion of it perisheth: so also shall the rich man fade away in his ways.
Commentary:
These are beautiful and poetic verses, but I’m a little less-than-satisfied with the clarity of the King James Version on these ones. I would personally at least retranslate the clause “and the grace of the fashion of it perisheth” as “and the beauty of its appearance disappears.”
Verse nine naturally makes sense to us: to rejoice when we are rewarded for our humility. But verses 10 and 11 hearken back to those first few verses where we were also told to rejoice in something that seems negative. The rich are told to rejoice in being made low. They are reminded that all the physical things of this world—their riches, their beauty, their looks, and everything else will all be lost… and they’re supposed to be happy about it! I guess since I am definitely not a rich person, I haven’t completely had the insight perhaps I need to truly understand these verses. Nonetheless, I do find some reassurance in the thought that the physical is temporary. My insomnia, my ADD, and SSA—all of them pertain only to this life. Like flowers, they will fade and die when I do, and my resurrected self will be without those things.
12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14 But every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
Commentary:
That theme of resisting temptation and the blessings for doing so is reiterated in verse 12, and then he explains some interesting and important truths about the nature of temptation itself. First, he tells us that God doesn’t send temptation! This is an important caveat to his other statements in the chapter, because he has told us to be grateful for temptation; this could lead us to think that temptation comes from God. Yet, God merely ALLOWS us to experience temptations—He doesn’t personally send them! We tend to attribute temptations to the devil, but interestingly enough James doesn’t do that here. I’ve heard it said that we give Satan way too much credit. Certainly he is capable of sending temptations, but we definitely don’t need a devil to tell us to do something wrong to make an incorrect choice. Our own imperfect natural-man-tendencies are enough to present temptation. When Satan DOES tempt us, I imagine he typically is only able to draw on those inherent to us rather than conjuring up new ones altogether.
This makes perfect sense. I have a body that is full of hormones and receptors that naturally drive me instinctually towards sexual stimulation. So do you. That is actually important and we SHOULD experience those feelings if we are healthy and those systems are working properly. However, not every impulse towards a sexual prelude should be acted upon! In fact, the large majority mustn’t be. This is true regardless of whom you are attracted to. Thus our own natural man creates its own temptations, regardless of whether or not the devil intervenes. There is no sin in experiencing that. But, James continues with a warning regarding acting out on those feelings…
15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
16 Do not err, my beloved brethren.
Commentary:
God doesn’t hold us guilty for the temptations we experience, but He does judge the choices we make. James points out that we have to watch ourselves carefully, because temptations unchecked DO tend to lead to sinful actions, and sin ultimately leads to spiritual death. Thus his succinct advice: “Do not err, my beloved brethren.”
17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
18 Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
Commentary:
Contrasting what God DOESN’T give us according to verse 13 (temptation), James now discusses what God DOES give us. He gives us some gifts that are “good” and others that are “perfect.” Some of the GOOD gifts he gives us include… each other! As verse 18 points out, WE are among the gifts He sends to earth. We are gifts to each other, for none of us can really make it on our own. Before a week and a half ago, I had never shared my burden with anybody. Now I’ve told several people, and have been incredibly blessed for doing so! I still don’t ever intend to tell the vast majority of people who know me about my same-sex attraction, but having a few close and loving individuals know is a actually a huge relief—more than I ever could have believed it would be.
Verse 18 also mentions one of God’s PERFECT gifts: the “word of truth.” This refers not only to the scriptures and words of living prophets, nor only to the words He gives us through personal revelation; it is also representative of His perfect son, Jesus Christ (see the first chapter of St. John).
As for the “firstfruits of his creatures” bit—um, I don’t know. I have some guesses about that, but would love any insight from my readers! :D
19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
Commentary:
How to be a faithful gay Mormon—Step Four: grow a thick skin! Being gay, you need to be ready to be persecuted. Being Mormon, you also need to be ready to be persecuted. Being gay AND Mormon, well, buckle yer’ seatbelts, folks! It’s gonna be a rough ride! Unfortunately, the crowds that share these two attributes with me often persecute each other the most. Thus, I’m all-too-often surrounded by the Mormons I know demeaning those who are gay and those I know who are gay trashing the Church. It can be easy to get offended on both fronts, but doing so never helps anyone!
I think these verses from James may be two of the wisest I have ever read. I especially like that he tells us to be “swift to hear.” We must be willing to listen to others, even with different points of view. Being a good listener is often key to effectively serving our brothers and sisters. We may not even agree with everything they say, but often if we listen with an open mind and open heart, we may learn something new including ways we may better ourselves. Either way, we will always understand them better, which will help us love them, for as I’ve said in earlier posts, understanding dispels hate.
Along with being “swift to hear,” we are admonished to be slow at speaking or becoming wrathful. While listening to others is important, it isn’t always going to be prudent for us to speak our minds to them. We should speak only in love, and follow the Spirit. The most important words we can speak are “I love you.” If correction can be given kindly, and is appropriate to give in our circumstances, then weigh your words carefully first. By all means, speaking up may be very important—if nobody ever corrected anyone else, we’d all be a lot more incorrect people! :D However, if the opportunity to correct is especially important, that’s all the more reason why we have to be careful with the delivery, so that an important message isn’t disregarded because it is given harshly. As James reminds us in verse 20, it’s pretty hard to bring about the righteousness of God via wrath.
21 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.
22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
23 For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
24 For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.
25 But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.
Commentary:
In verse 19, James encouraged us all to be hearers. Now he adds to that an admonition to be not ONLY hearers, but also doers of the good counsel we hear. I’m not completely sure I understand the mirror analogy James gives, but here’s what I think it means:
When we hear something we should do to better ourselves and don’t do it, it’s like looking at ourselves in the mirror, seeing a great defect within our power to correct, and then doing nothing about it. If we know what is right, it simply doesn’t make sense not to do it. The right thing to do won’t always be easy, but when we choose to be doers, we are “blessed in [our] deed.” I love those blessings. I live for them. I’m aware that I could be choosing to sacrifice close physical relationships for a very long time by choosing the path I have, but those blessings make it totally worth it! J
26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.
27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.
Commentary:
These two verses could easily form the basis of tons of additional posts. They raise great questions for discussion on what religion actually is, etc. We tend to use verse 26 to discuss profanity, swearing, etc. While that is a valid interpretation, I think it has more to do with what he talked about in verses 19-20. He’s saying that regardless of how good we think we are, if we can’t control the things we say—whether in vocabulary or in message—we are deceiving ourselves about our own religiousness. In fact, any time we deceive ourselves in any way, we actually diminish our religious selves. As I’ve written elsewhere, truly the truth makes us free!
More interesting than what James tells us religion ISN’T, is what he tells us it IS in the final verse of the chapter. The basis of religion is two-fold: serving others and avoiding sin. We hear many people concentrate on the first have this verse: the idea that our religiousness is based on our service to and action towards others. This certainly worth emphasizing more! However, I’ve heard people use this verse an excuse for bad action, saying that they are religious because they serve others, so their other choices don’t matter. Don’t forget the second half of the verse: stay unspotted from the world! I’m not perfect yet, but I intend to do my very best on that front.
Well, if you actually read this whole post, congratulations. You are clearly a patient person! You might need a life, though… J
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)